–Baseball officials are once again discussing the possibility of adding instant replay to the game after a sudden epidemic of botched home run calls by umpires. If replay does get approved, however, they won’t be able to call it “instant.” Nothing about a baseball game is fast.

–Jose Canseco announced that he’s going to reinvent himself as boxer, and his agent is offering $5,000 to whomever gets in the ring with him. Fair warning, though, if you fight Canseco and win, he’ll write a book saying you’re on the juice.

–In New York, it doesn’t look like Mets manager Willie Randolph is going to lose his job despite the nosedive his team has taken in the NL East. If the New York Mets continue to lose without holding the manager accountable, they’ll change their name to the New York Knicks after the All-Star break.

–The NBA announced this week that it’s going to implement fines next season for clear cases of “flopping,” which means some of the NBA’s most notorious drama queens (hi, Robert Horry) could hire acting coaches to make their performances halfway believable.

–Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah’s father, French citizen Yannick Noah, doesn’t understand why his son’s recent arrest for an open container of alcohol and marijuana possession is such a big deal. Yannick, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your son only got a slap on the wrist for drug possession. For a professional athlete, that isn’t a big deal at all.

–In Tokyo, a Sumo wrestler has been ordered to take a 30 percent pay cut after beating his apprentice in the head with a soup ladle, proving the ancient Japanese proverb “Never steal soup from a Sumo.”

–Also in Tokyo, Japanese sportswear makers have introduced their answer to Speedo’s high-tech LZR swimsuits. Mizuno Corp., Asics Corp. and Descente Ltd. presented their own high-tech swimwear on Friday, which is so advanced that it not only helps the wearer break records, but the suit also morphs into a robot when innocent people are threatened by the forces of evil.

–Former tennis star Roscoe Tanner, who won the 1977 Australian Open, has been charged with grand theft auto for failing to return two vehicles after a check he wrote for them bounced. Tanner didn’t enter a plea at his arraignment, but he’ll most likely be found not guilty. He’s hired John McEnroe to argue his case.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

Dear Readers: it took me a little while to decide what category to file this commentary under. In the end, I decided that “entertainment” was the only answer since “mind-numbingly ridiculous” isn’t an option.

There’s been an annoying buzz in the media lately surrounding a recent ad for Dunkin’ Donuts starring celebrity chef Rachael Ray, specifically over complaints that a fringed black and white scarf she’s wearing endorses terrorism. And if you listen very closely, you can actually hear the ghost of Joseph McCarthy laughing in the distance.

The ad has since been pulled thanks to commentators like Michelle Malkin who spend all their time blowing everything out of proportion from their stronghold on Molehill Mountain, but there are plenty of people, myself included, who actually feel dumber for having heard about this.

Critics of the ad claim the accessory in question resembles a kaffiyeh, a traditional Arab headdress that, for people who cling fondly to hasty generalizations, has come to symbolize Muslim extremism.

Or, to put it another way, a lot of people were offended because someone in a commercial was selling iced coffee while dressed like the enemy. All because of a scarf.

This sort of thing even has a name, “hate couture.” Whoever said, “The pen is mightier than the sword” obviously knew nothing about the true power of fashion.

But as long as we’re so obsessed with symbolism, I find it a little shocking that Malkin and company didn’t look at the big picture before flying off the handle like they did. Well, no I’m not, but still, there is so much more to be angry about here.

If you look deep into the ad, I think you’ll find the true evil behind Dunkin’ Donuts.

If you’ve seen the ad, or even the numerous pictures that are floating around on the Web, you’ll notice that Rachael Ray is standing in front of a peach tree, which can be deduced from its distinctive pink peach blossoms.

In some cultures (yes, there are other ones) the peach tree is symbolic of many things. In Chinese culture it is associated with the god Sau, Chinese god of longevity. In fact, the peach is considered to be a divine fruit that grants immortality.

It’s also said that Taoist magic was made with the petals of the peach blossoms; the effects were known to put men into an intense trance of love.

So, put that all together, and what have we got? Only the biggest threat to freedom since Communism!

On top of their support of terrorism, Dunkin’ Donuts obviously endorses the promise of immortality, a polytheistic belief system full of false idols, sorcery, hypnotism, and enslavement!

Sound the alarm!

I think it’s clear what has to happen next, folks. Everyone on the Dunkin’ Donuts payroll should de shipped to Gitmo immediately, and after they’re locked away, we’re going to have to chop down every peach tree in the nation.

We’ll also need to question everyone in Georgia since they’re known as the “Peach State,” and I officially nominate Michelle Malkin to lead the investigation. She is obviously the leading expert in her field.

Sheesh.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

The difference between rock-climbing walls and the real thing boils down to this: nature doesn’t color-code. No bright yellow or red grips invite you to “Step here” or “Grab this.” You’re on your own.

That’s not such a bad thing.

On an introduction to scaling the spires of South Dakota’s Black Hills last week, our group of four women had to scrutinize the granite grays, seeking tiny toe holds and craggy bits of quartz and feldspar to gratefully grab onto. The windy whoosh through Ponderosa pines encouraged us to take our time and enjoy the view—preferably the horizontal, not downward, one.

Daryl Stisser, who owns Sylvan Rocks Climbing School with his wife Cheryl, set us up on the so-called Tower of Death; a short, rounded hunk of granite near Sylvan Lake at Custer State Park. This is the same area featured in “National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets.” Stisser helped get camera crews and stunt folks safely in place for dizzying action scenes.

A majority of customers are first-timers, ranging from preschoolers to gung-ho grannies. The Black Hills offer one of the best places to introduce the sport with easy-to-reach rocks and summits that taper so you can power a climb with leg muscles and balance rather than upper body strength. There’s also an intimacy and magic to this wilderness where trails sparkle with mica and quartz.

Stisser scrambled to prepare easy routes for us, his waist jangling with carabineer clips and his neck and shoulders coiled with a rainbow of ropes. We strapped into harnesses hugging our hips, rears and waists, picked out helmets, and donned rubber-soled shoes Spiderman would covet.

After finishing our practice ascents, we put our trust in Stisser, who commanded, “Now sit back.” Letting go of the rock and hanging loose with your weight on a rope doesn’t come naturally, as a few shrieks confirmed, but he calmly guided and belayed us back to ground. The only thing that fell was an F-bomb on a tougher route.

Some first-timers come for once-in-a-lifetime treks up Devil’s Tower in nearby Wyoming. Others, like us, just want a fun, challenging taste of the sport. Being fit or practicing on a rock-climbing wall is helpful, but not required.

“Most of climbing is from the neck up. It’s achievable by many people, many people,” Stisser says, “And it’s very empowering.”

–Lisa Meyers McClintick, RED Travel Writer

On Sunday May 18, Mets first baseman Carlos Delgado blasted a line drive to the left field corner of Yankees stadium. The ball smacked off the bottom of the foul pole (leaving behind a tell-tale scuff mark) and landed back on the field in foul territory. Third base umpire Mike Reilly circled his finger in the air signaling a home run, and the Mets took a 6-0 lead over the floundering Yankees.

But home plate umpire Bob Davidson overruled Reilly’s call, calling the ball foul and the three-run shot eventually became a mere RBI single.

The next day down in Houston, Cubs rookie catcher Geovany Soto launched a long fly ball. It hit just to the right of the yellow line before landing back in the field of play—in other words a home run. But the call never came and as Soto crossed home plate he was credited with an inside-the-parker rather than the automatic.

Two days later it happened again, this time to Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez.

And so the question of instant replay for baseball surfaces again.

Last winter baseball GM’s voted 25-5 to “explore” ways to implement instant replay. A recent ESPN Sports Nation poll showed the majority of fans in favor of it and many analysts, players and managers are calling for it.

So, am I the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea? Human error is, and has always been, an element of the game. Just ask any Cardinals fan and they will tell you about a certain World Series Game 6.

Granted, it is only being considered to decide controversial home run calls but this is a Pandora’s Box. Just how long after its implementation before it’s used to decide everything from balls and strikes to balks and steals? Before you know it a nice three-hour outing becomes a five to seven-hour ordeal.

Sun-stroked children, eyes wet with tears asking their fathers, “Why aren’t they playing daddy?”

“Well son, the umpires need to make sure that was actually a foul-tip…this could take a while.”

And since we’re eliminating human error from the game, let’s get robot umps with instant-replay-camera-eyes. That would solve any controversial calls once and for all. Plus, what manager would want to argue with a half-ton of steel and circuitry? Well, maybe Lou Pinella.

OK, that is an extreme scenario but it emphasizes my point. Baseball is a pastoral game, rich with tradition and history. The human element, fallibility included, is part of that tradition and history and should at all costs be preserved.

So go ahead and call me a purist and say I’m standing in the way of progress. But for those of you who love the idea of instant replay, I have some advice: watch football.

–Aaron Whitebread, RED Editorial Staff.

Never underestimate the importance of sound plumbing. It does so much for society.
Plumbing is more important than the invention of the wheel, electricity, the printing press and even sliced bread, yet people take it for granted all the time.

Plumbing is a lot like a person’s knee. You hardly notice its worth when you use it, but life is a mess when it doesn’t work and it costs a fortune to repair. The smallest gaffe in a commode is a source of embarrassment for its originator and a potential health hazard for many, but at least we’ve got gravity on our side to localize the problem. The crew aboard the international space station isn’t so fortunate.

The international space station’s newest malfunction is one of the most common household problems in the world. The toilet is broken, and jiggling the handle doesn’t help.

Space technology analysts insist that a backed up toilet on a space station isn’t funny, but good luck convincing the public about it.

Bathroom humor is base, and I suppose everything is dangerous while you’re floating above a planet, but you’ve got to admit it’s still a little funny.

But what isn’t funny is the gravity of the situation—or the lack of it. Everything floats in orbit, folks. Everything. So the toilet relies on fan-driven airflow to keep human waste from going where it isn’t supposed to go, which is everywhere.

The worst-case scenario is bad news for all you mysophobics out there. If things aboard the space station go terribly awry, the crew will have to sweep the interior of the station with mesh netting to collect any particles.

And you thought an outhouse was bad.

Fixing the toilet is also going to be a huge pain the . . . um . . . neck. Crew aboard the space station have tried several approaches to fix the problem. None have worked so far, proving that fixing a toilet is a lot more complicated than anyone thinks it is no matter where you live.

The next option is to load spare hardware used for crew training in Houston aboard the Discovery in time for the shuttle’s upcoming launch, but those parts are expected to fail quickly as well.

That means the space station’s crew will have learn the true meaning of patience. There is a brand new $19 million unit in the works, but it won’t arrive at the international space station until late this year.

Until then, the crew might be forced to use the old “Apollo bags,” a sticky bag used to collect precisely what you think will go into them.

Otherwise, there aren’t too many options that are either practical or affordable. It’s not like they can just call a plumber, and even if they could the bill would be astronomical.

Do you know how much a plumber charges to make house calls?

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

Two games into the Stanley Cup finals between the Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins, the Wings are doing more than winning—they’re shutting the Pens down entirely.

Detroit has played the first two games with a kind of faceless efficiency not seen since Captain Jean-Luc Picard fought the Borg in Star Trek: The Next Generation (Yes, a Star Trek reference in a hockey article. A friend bet me I couldn’t pull it off).

But unlike the Borg, Detroit has no interest in assimilating the Pens to their fold. They just want the Pens to vanish as quickly as possible, and now Detroit is halfway there.

Detroit is also being extremely selfish in the best possible manner, hardly letting Pittsburgh even touch the puck.

In last night’s Game 2 when Detroit scored their first goal at 6:55, the Pens hadn’t even taken a shot at Detroit’s Osgood. When the Wings scored again just shy of five minutes later Pittsburgh still hadn’t managed a shot on goal, and had 22 shots total by the end of the game.

What’s the most disheartening thing for Pens fans? Pittsburgh is not playing poorly. The Pens are a great team with deep talent, but at least if they were playing poorly there’d be a solid reason for getting shut out twice in a row.

But the Penguins seem convinced there’s nothing seriously wrong with their play so far. “We showed that we can play with them,” Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury said. Pens’ center Max Talbot added, “I think we got some good scoring chances. It could have went one side or the other.”

It doesn’t look that way from here. If these first two games are any indication, it’s clear as crystal whose side this is on.

One of the most important issues for Pittsburgh, though, is Sidney Crosby—namely that Sidney Crosby hasn’t been an issue yet.

The new face of the NHL has yet to show his true face in this series, which is disappointing to fans. We know beyond a doubt that this kid is the future of the game, just like Gretzky was before him, but that doesn’t mean the fans can get too greedy too soon.

For as violent as the NHL is on the surface (and beneath it) there still a natural progression that even The Great One had to endure.

With the exception of a few schools in Kansas, evolution is everywhere, including hockey. You’d have to be out of your bean to think the Pens won’t be a dynastic team in the future, but now is not the time.

Many have discussed how this Wings/Pens championship series is representative of more than your usual Stanly Cup battle. It’s the old guard versus the new guard, and that comment is spot on.

It’s also terribly familiar. What we are seeing here is an updated version of 1983 Stanley Cup series when Gretzky and the Oilers endured their growing pains against the Islanders’ dynasty.

It wasn’t until 1984 that Edmonton started its own dynasty, so as painfully as this year might end for Pittsburgh, they’ll have one huge thing to look forward to.

Next year is 1984.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

Anybody who’s experienced Florida’s Keys from the seat of a motorcycle knows: There’s no better way to enjoy the islands than on two wheels. In a car, you’ll pass through the Keys; on a motorcycle, you’re part of them.

If you’re not traveling with your own bike, rent one from Peterson’s Harley-Davidson of Miami. Then head south through mangroves and sawgrass to US-1 and Key West. Stretch your legs at the stereotypical biker joint, Hog Heaven, in Islamorada, with a dockside bar and loads of motorcycle art. Inside, dine on Tex-Mex and burgers and catch the latest sports on TV.

An upscale lunch option is the Islamorada Fish Co., which has caught and served its own seafood since 1948. The restaurant offers indoor seating, but why do that when you can dine on fish sandwiches on the docks, overlooking Florida Bay?

Spend the night farther south in Marathon, at the Banana Bay Resort, as evening approaches. The resort welcomes bikers among hibiscus, bougainvillea and coconut palms, and nearby Cabot’s on the Water serves up conch fritters and fresh seafood beside Marathon’s shrimp docks.

The next morning it’s on to the famous Seven Mile Bridge, with endless views of sky and sea. The bridge presents the most challenging riding in the Keys. Fierce, variable winds can whip through this channel, and the bridge has a way of bouncing pop and beer cans down the road.

Once past Seven Mile Bridge, the Keys become less developed, with wildlife preserves and state parks gradually replacing commercial districts. The weather warms, the views get more tropical and you’ll love that you’re on a motorcycle.

Key West is your final destination, a town synonymous with island living. Reserve a room at the Key Lime Inn, a historic hotel of cottages with a designated bike lot. For dinner, check out Hogfish Bar & Grill.

The restaurant looks rough, with a hodgepodge of neon beer signs and open-air picnic tables. But their Killer Hogfish Sandwich can’t be beat, service is warm and friendly, and the locals will talk motorcycles with you.

At dusk, drive to Mallory Square for Key West’s Sunset Celebration, a nightly festival of street performers, arts and crafts and music before you park your bike for the night. But don’t park it too early. In the Keys, the Gulf of Mexico reflects the moon every night, and the air remains warm and muggy until late. Perfect conditions for a night ride.

–Amy S. Eckert, RED Travel Writer

Mary Tillman had a storybook son. Tall and brawny with a handsome face seemingly cut from granite, he was a college football star who became a pro, playing with Arizona Cardinals. Tillman’s son, Pat, was also a patriot. When the United States went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan, he turned down a contract offer of $3.6 million with the Cardinals and instead joined the army.

Tillman, and his brother Kevin, who left professional baseball, finished the Ranger Indoctrination Program in late 2002. They were assigned to the second battalion of the 75th Ranger Regiment and were part of the invasion during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Pat Tillman then attended the U.S. Army Infantry Center’s Ranger School and after graduating was sent to Afghanistan. It was there that he died in what was at first described a heroes death on April 22, 2004.

Red talked to Tillman about her new book “Boots on the Ground by Dusk: My Tribute to Pat Tillman” written with Narda Zacchino (Modern Times 2008), where she recounts her family’s attempt to learn the truth about her son’s death.

The military originally told you that Pat had been ambushed by the enemy and shot in the head while getting out of a vehicle. 12 days later the story had morphed into his death occurring while he was running up a hill in pursuit of the enemy. A month later, the story had changed again and you were told that he’d been killed in a friendly fire incident. How did you react to that?

It makes you feel as though you’re losing your mind in some ways. You begin to imagine things and when you don’t know what the truth is or when the stories keep changing, certain details can be blown out of proportion in your mind. The truth can be painful, but it’s the truth and that’s the most important thing. When people keep lying to you, you begin to contrive all these scenarios that could have taken place. When you’re lied to you can never put it to rest.

Why did it become so important to know the truth?

When you send a loved one off to war, you know that many things can happen. You know that they could be killed or seriously injured. But what you don’t expect is that your government will lie to you about how they died. Lying is a form of abuse and we’ve been lied to for years.

It sounds like you want justice not only for Pat but for others too.

Yes. If this is what happens when someone with a high profile like Pat dies I can only imagine what happens with everyone else.

Pat Tillman was awarded a Silver Star, his commendation read, in part, “While mortally wounded, his audacious leadership and courageous example under fire inspired his men to fight with great risk to their own personal safety, resulting in the enemy’s withdrawal and his platoon’s safe passage from the ambush kill zone. But it wasn’t true. His mother, Mary Tillman, tells Red what it is like to not only lost a child but to come to believe that the government used his death to further a political agenda.

How do you cope?

Every day is difficult and emotional. What happened just keeps slapping me in the face. To find out that he died this way where everything that could have gone wrong, did, it’s a lot harder to take. Our family shouldn’t have been subjected to this. We were lied to in order to cover their image. And I think there is still a lot more out there that we don’t know. If there wasn’t, they wouldn’t keep covering their tails.

What could the government have done differently?

They could have told us the truth from the beginning. And if they didn’t want to tell us the truth, then they could have said that they didn’t know what happened and said that they were investigating it. But instead they made up a story.

Do you think they purposely lied from the beginning?

The story wasn’t a misstep or an error. They made it up and presented it on national TV. Their story of Pat’s death was something that they could use to distract people from all the bad things that were going on in Iraq at the time. They made up a story to promote the war and they used my son.

What do you ultimately want to happen?

I want people to be held accountable as far up as it goes. I don’t think this occurred at a low level, I think it goes all the way up and I want the people who did this to be held accountable. My son was honest and he wanted to do what was right. We owe it to him to find everyone who did this and to continue to discover how high the deception goes.

Is there a lesson for others in all of this?

I hope the book impresses people and makes them understand that they need to be vigilant about their government. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t pay a lot of attention to what is going on. Because there’s no draft, I think that people don’t feel closely connected to what is going on over there. But the military’s voice is the public and if the public is apathetic, thing like this are going to take place. People should be outraged when these kinds of things happen and they should let people know they’re outraged.

The Tillman family have formed the Pat Tillman Foundation, a 501(c)(3) tax exempt organization, whose goal and mission, according to their Website www.pattillmanfoundation.org, is to carry forward Pat’s legacy by inspiring people to make positive changes in themselves and in the world around them. Monies donated go to provide scholarships at Arizona State University.

–Jane Ammeson, RED Editorial Staff

–Sen. Barack Obama is beginning his search for a running mate. He told CNN Thursday he is not discussing his selection process, but some democratic insiders have reported the first question any candidate needs to answer will be, “Is your name Hillary Clinton?”

–Sen. John McCain released his medical records to select members of the media this week. McCain’s records, which are etched on stone tablets, will also be displayed in a private wing of the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.

–The House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed former Bush aide Karl Rove to compel his testimony concerning allegations that the Department of Justice dismissed U.S. attorneys based on party affiliation. Rove and other White House aids have refused to testify thanks to executive privilege, also known as the “Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Boo” clause.

–Pop music producer Lou Pearlman, who’s responsible for creating the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, was sentenced to 25 years in jail for swindling people by getting them to invest $300 million in fake companies. “I’m truly sorry,” Pearlman said, “I apologize for what’s happened,” but I’m not sure if he’s sorry about the fraud . . . or the boy bands.

–According to a new study released by the National Health Service, alcohol abuse amongst younger generations is becoming a huge problem in the UK. I guess one Amy Winehouse isn’t enough.

–What began as a small Midwestern sales stunt is now worldwide news. The BBC and Reuters have both reported that a Missouri car dealership is offering customers a new handgun with the purchase of a vehicle. The promotion was in response to Sen. Obama’s gaffe that Midwesterners cling to guns. Owner Mark Muller said, “We’re not clinging to nothing.” I guess that includes grammar.

–Russian Communist party members condemned the new Indiana Jones film on Friday as crude anti-Soviet propaganda that distorted history and called for it to be banned from Russian screens. If you think the Communists are angry now, just wait until they get their hands on a copy of Rocky IV.

–It’s officially been announced that a full scale musical about the life of action legend Bruce Lee will hit Broadway theatres in 2010 or 2011, which means there are only two questions left to be answered: When will “Bruce Lee On Ice!” begin touring, and how many times will Bruce Lee turn in his grave when it does?

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

I’m not sure who paid for Tiger Woods’ knee surgery, but I’m sure the PGA is doing all they can to get him back ASAP. The amount of major media attention being given to golf right now is as sparse as John Daly’s tan.

But golf sans Tiger for some players on the tour is their moment in the sun, just like the Players Championship was two weeks ago. Tiger is expected to return for the Buick Open in late June, so look for players like Johnson Wagner and Brett Wetterich to pull their best Robert Herrick impressions. Gather ye birdies while ye may.

This is especially true for Johnson Wagner. Despite stumbling over a couple of bogeys halfway through, Wagner ended up on top of the pile by the end of yesterday’s first round of the Crowne Plaza Invitational.

Wagner’s 7-under 63 not only put him two stokes ahead of the perennial Phil Mickelson, but it also ties the best score of his six year career.

And this is undoubtedly the best thing about a field with no Tiger. It’s pretty hard for the sun to shine on any player when they’re standing in the shadow of a man who, according to Gatorade commercials, can presumably birdie a hole that tees off from the moon.

Wagner’s first place finish yesterday was only his second high point in recent memory. Since the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic at La Quinta in January, Wagner has missed seven of his last 14 cuts (six of them consecutively).

Wagner did manage to pocket a cool million with a first place win at the Shell Houston Open last month. Otherwise, Wagner’s game has been hit and mostly miss until yesterday.

“I’m just more comfortable, more confident, having more fun, not letting bogeys bother me or doubles bother me,” Wagner told the press. “At the beginning of the year, I would have gotten real frustrated and down.”

So far, so good. Wagner tees off this afternoon and it looks like today’s round is going to test his confidence even more.

Five of the world’s top 10 players are in the field for Crowne Plaza, and Geoff Ogilvy has gone from a first round 72 to shooting six under through 14 today. Matt Kuchar is also making a move at six under through 11 after finishing even yesterday.

We all know that leads change quickly in the PGA. A hole Wagner birdies today, tomorrow he could bogey. But I’m pulling for the kid. And if his game falls apart to the mess it was at the beginning of the year, maybe he should attend a clinic to get his game back.

I hear Tiger’s hosting one on June 24, right before the Buick Open.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.