The Super Bowl is just days away, and all across America football fans are planning their menu of football munchies. But really, how many of us have time or the culinary acuity other than to open a jar of salsa and a bag of chips?

Sometimes you just have to wing it.

Remember that famous ad portraying the accidental origins of one of America’s favorite candy?  “Hey, you got peanut butter in my chocolate!” And then the other person barks, “You got chocolate in my peanut butter!”

That classic ad for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups illustrates that sometimes those mouth-watering mishaps bring us something delicious that keeps us coming back for seconds every time.

It makes you think about how our favorite foods really came to be. Who would ever guess the hamburger was a result of Genghis Kahn’s Mongol horseman storing their scraps of meat under their saddle for long rides?

Not having the time to take a break from pillaging to stop and build a fire for cooking, these galloping gourmands snacked on their raw meat patties tenderized from the saddle’s rubbing action.  Later, the Germans introduced these ground meat patties to fire and voila, look out McDonald’s!

These bizarre beginnings to some of our favorite foods only raise more mystery to how our other favorite snacks came to be.

Who was the first person to drop dried corn kernels in hot oil? And let’s talk about hot dogs. Was stuffing left over ground animal parts in an intestinal casing done on purpose?

Another American favorite and happy hour staple is the “buffalo” chicken wing. Developed in the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York, the wing was a last minute creation to feed some late night patrons hungry for a substantial bar snack.

Today, spawning from that late night hunt into the Anchor Bar’s pantry, there are restaurants that exclusively serve chicken wings in hundreds of different flavor combinations and various levels of throat scorching heat intensities.

In almost every state, you’ll find a bar that will buy your meal and award you a tee shirt if you finish a plate of their super-charged hot wings doused with the chef’s own devilish concoction of hot pepper sauce.  Peeking from behind the swinging kitchen door, the chef snickers behind your back as you squirm in your chair, wiping the sweat off your brow as you try to eat one more of his tortuous hot wings.

So in honor of delicious mistakes created from desperation, my discovery happened on one chilly December morning before a big play-off game. Last minute, I learned a crew was about to come over to watch a football game at our house.  Without time to run to the store, I had to rummage through my freezer and pantry for snacks that would satisfy a sofa load of football fanatics.

I had a package of frozen chicken wings but found nothing for traditional buffalo wing sauce. In my frenetic search for ingredients, I scraped out the last of some mango preserves and stirred in some chipotle adobo sauce and in an instant, a new classic was born: mango-chipotle wings.

With little effort, these spicy, smoky and sweet snacks were bold enough to satisfy the hungry sofa surfing football fans.

From that day forward, I began to scour my pantry for other combinations that might work. Forgoing the traditional Franks’ Hot Sauce and butter combination, I began mixing different blends of sauces, spices and seasonings from our pantry.

Below is a delicious wing recipe–perfect if you want to enjoy homemade wings at your “Big Game” party this weekend.  No need for a fryer. You can either grill or bake your wings with lip smacking results.

Grilled Mango Chipotle Wings

2 lbs chicken wings or “drummies”
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon garlic power
Sprinkle of kosher salt
Fresh ground pepper
½ cup Mango preserves (pineapple or apricot preserves can be substituted)
1/2 teaspoon of ground chipotle pepper (or)
1 teaspoon of chipotle adobo sauce (add more if you like a super spicy wing)

In a plastic sealable bag, combine wings with chili powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Marinate at least two hours or overnight time permitting. Combine preserves and chipotle in a small bowl on the side. Place wings on the grill and wait to flip the wings until each side is golden brown and crispy. Remove wings from the grill and toss with the mango chipotle mixture.

If baking, bake chicken wings in an oven preheated to 425 degrees for 35 to 45 minutes. Turn the wings throughout the baking process to make sure they brown evenly. Remove the wings from the oven and toss.  Serve immediately.

–Shelly Connors, Red Editorial Staff.

Fantasy football might have a stronghold on NFL fans during the season. But this fantasy conflagration stops stone-cold this weekend. The fantastical thought of Arizona winning this Super Bowl with Kurt Warner, the ageless QB, throwing to a streaking Larry Fitzgerald?

It might happen but not enough times to win this game.

Maybe I lost my vibe or mojo or both for the Cards–consider it more fallout from two, yes, as in two, weeks off between title games and the Supe. Just don’t think even Ken Whisenhunt can devise a game plan that stops the Steelers from dismantling the Arizona dream. These guys who play LB for Pittsburgh? Gnarly and football-smart. Bad deal for the Cards.

The Steelers will no doubt put a helmet-ringing land lock on the middle of the field in Tampa–quick, name the stadium . . . right, I don’t remember it either. Those 1,000-yard Arizona receivers (the Cards have three of them) will be thinking, hey, sideline routes would be a lot smoother idea, dude. Oh, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston will get popped along the edges of the field too, but there is a chance they get out of bounds before feeling like Nick Nolte in that stellar opening scene from “North Dallas Forty.”

Maybe Warner just goes more to the tight end, you are thinking like the football-smart (let’s hope not gnarly) football fan that you are. But, uh, Leonard Pope, the starting tight end, has nine catches on 77 yards for the year, including two for 21. Well, at least Pope is trending up.

Next you think running backs behind an underrated Arizona O-line. Well, Edgerrin James has picked up his production in January, but, come on, it’s the Steelers. James didn’t exactly dominate Pittsburgh in his Indy Colts days. One possibility is calling the stretch run a bunch of times and hope it works a semi-bunch of times. The stretch play is James’ specialty; he runs straight for the sideline, Pittsburgh defenders pursue, then James looks for the best cutback. So, it’s back to running the outside lanes again.

The Cards’ other two backs, J.J. Arrington and rookie Tim Hightower, have posted stellar seasons. Hightower has some serious upside, but, gut feeling, Sunday is a learning experience for him, if not a fumbling experience. Setting up with two tight ends might help (TE Ben Patrick is healthy now) but that kinda sorta defeats the purpose of having three 1,000-yard receivers, comprendo?

One X Factor for Arizona is whether Anquan Boldin comes up big to showcase his talents for an offseason trade to a major-market team to turbo charge his ego and endorsement income. Chicago and the Giants have been mentioned, both teams need a No. 1 receiver. Frankly, don’t see it. Would like to see it. Be a lot more fun.

It’s just not going to be in the Cards.

– Bob Condor, Red editorial staff

Hockey has certainly taken quite a few hits this year.

The one hit that is closer to home than any other was announced last week by Pat Burns, former coach of the New Jersey Devils, Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens, and Boston Bruins.

Burns’ announcement was that he is fighting cancer (lung cancer) for the third time in his life.

Don’t worry, this is not going to be one of those really sad articles highlighting Burns’ career and telling everybody how bad cancer is.  Instead, Burns’ announcement has gotten me to think about Hockey’s involvement with charity organizations (especially to fight cancer).

As most of you saw, the winners of the different skills competitions in last week’s All Star Game had the proceeds for their win given to a charity of their choice.  Two charities that really stuck out in my mind were Right To Play, as well as Hockey Fights Cancer.

Right to Play is described on their Website as, “an international humanitarian organization that uses sport and play programs to improve health, develop life skills, and foster peace for children and communities in some of the most disadvantaged areas of the world.”

The appeal for the players, as well as anyone who has been involved in sports for a long period of time is quite apparent.  Sports have saved our lives in one-way or another.  On a personal level, had I not been as heavily involved in sports, I surely would be sitting in jail somewhere.

The second charity hits close to everyone’s heart because the truth is we have all been affected by cancer in some way.  Hockey Fights Cancer is there as a constant reminder that nobody is safe and that we all have to deal with this mounting problem.  Burns’ announcement is a reminder of just that.

In fact, Boston’s Phil Kessel, Montreal’s Saku Koivu, and the New York Islanders’ Jason Blake are just a few of the players off the top of my head that are also cancer survivors.

Once again though, I promised this would not be one of those preachy give-to-charity type of articles.  I just wanted to highlight two more reasons why I think that Hockey is the greatest game and the best pro sport.

In no other professional sport are the players so involved with their communities and charities without compensation.  Professional hockey players are the classiest breed pro sports.

As for Pat Burns and his struggle:  Good luck, our thoughts are with you.

–Ryan Matwiy, Red Editorial Staff.

I’ve got a lot of Nietzsche in my collection of books at home, and he’s filed under fiction.   Why?  Because the guy was nutty as a fruit bat, that’s why.

Yes, he had some pretty interesting points, yes, he argued them very well and yes he’s fun to quote at parties; but even Nietzsche himself believed that “There are no facts, only interpretations.”  And that’s why Friedrich Nietzsche would have loved Wikipedia.

And also, perhaps, why the rest of us do too.

When Senator Ted Kennedy suffered his unfortunate collapse at President Obama’s inauguration, his Wikipedia bio was immediately updated to report his death.  Senator Robert Byrd, who accompanied Sen. Kennedy to the hospital, was also listed as being quite dead.

They are not, of course.  Both of them are still kicking.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven’t learned by now that Wikipedia is not a reliable source of information I’d like to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.  Seriously.  I really would.  I totally own it, it’s totally for sale and if you don’t believe me you can totally look it up on Wikipedia.  And eBay.

The funny thing here (yes, it’s funny) isn’t how shockingly wrong Wikipedia was.  It’s how shocked and agitated some people were upon hearing about it; offended, even, as though Wikipedia were an effrontery to knowledge itself.  But Wikipedia shouldn’t be taken as fact any more than Nietzsche’s observations are to be taken as truth.

That said, some aspects of Wikipedia are rock solid.  If you want to know all about The Goonies and have very little time to do it, Wikipedia will save you.

But really, the entire point of Wikipedia has been inherently flawed from the start.  A free, open source encyclopedia with fewer restrictions than Nietzsche’s mind?  Please.  Wikipedia’s first mistake was trusting in the public to get its facts straight.

People are not smart.  A PERSON is smart, but not people.  A person knows reality television is a complete waste of time.  People love it.  A person wants us to find life on Mars.  People would panic in the streets if we did.  A person wants the truth.  People “can’t handle the truth.”  Ain’t that right, Jack?

After the untimely and fictional death of Sen. Kennedy, Wikipedia has since announced they are reconsidering their editing process.  Or, to put it another way, they’re looking to get their site under control.

CBS News reported that, “Wikipedia is apparently considering instituting a new editorial process that would put better safeguards in place and require all updates to be approved by a ‘reliable’ user.”

Uh-oh.  An editor?  Someone to check your work?  Like turning in a college essay on a topic that is poorly researched only to have your teacher fail you and say something like “Where did you get your information, Wikipedia?”

And just what defines a person as “reliable” user?  College professors?  People revered enough in their respective fields to, say, write an encyclopedia?

If Wikipedia wants to command any respect as a credible source, though, this is a really good move.  If you put too much trust in people, they’ll eventually walk all over you.

It looks like Wikipedia is learning what Friedrich Nietzsche already knew, “Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.”

–Joey Alfino, Red Editorial Staff.

With a degree from Harvard, magna cum laude, earned after writing a thesis on Sir George Etherege and Restoration comedy, humorist Andy Borowitz deftly lambastes the foibles of today.  Borowitz is the author www.borowtizreport.com where he satirizes current events, and also writes regularly for the New Yorker and the New York Times. 

Raised in Cleveland, Ohio, Borowitz lives in New York and is the father of two children.  And please, no cracks about there being little comedy in Cleveland.  After all, Bob Hope is from Cleveland and the Midwest, according to Borowitz, produces a lot of funny people. 

Borowitz certainly must be among them.  He was editor of the Harvard Lampoon while attending school there, was the first ever winner of the National Press Club award for humor, created the TV show Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (he received an NAACP Image Award for the series) and has written books such as the best selling The Big Book of Shockers (Simon & Schuster), a collection of approximately 100 of his Web columns.  The book was named as a finalist for The Thurber Prize for American Humor.  It is just one of many best sellers that Borowitz has published including Who Moved My Soap: The CEOs Guide to Surviving in Prison (Simon & Schuster) which came out, fortuitously, shortly before Martha Stewart and a host of other big names were indicted.  Red talked to Borowitz about comedy.

How did growing up in Cleveland shape your humor?

Cleveland in the 70s was a very down-on-its-luck place.  The city went bankrupt, the river caught on fire.  There was a lot to laugh about.

You have mentioned that the Midwest has produced a lot of comedians. Any thoughts on why that is?

I think there’s a certain amount of skepticism that you grow up with in the Midwest. Maybe it comes naturally to us to make fun of things.

When did you first realize you were able to make people laugh?

I think I started making people laugh when I was a little kid, but it’s possible that they were laughing at me, not with me.

How does your topical humor today compare to Restoration comedy of 17th century England?

Restoration comedy relied upon your knowledge of the individuals. I have never had any expectations that anyone would be able to make heads or tails out of my comedy one hundred years from now.  People can read and say everybody was obsessed with finding Sadam Hussein, but I don’t think they would necessarily get the joke.  If it’s funny at all, it’s funny now and it probably won’t hold up in the future.  But that’s okay, I never expected that.  Not to be overly corny, but the one thing that makes me happy about my column is that I honestly get a feeling from at least a small number of people that it’s actually helping them cope in a way because there is a lot of stress out there.

Are you surprised when you get ahead of the curve and write humor about something that hasn’t happened yet, and then it does?  Like with your book Who Moved My Soap which is geared for CEOs in prison?

I had no idea Martha Stewart was going to be indicted and that it would happen the week my book came out. It sort of overrated my predictive skills.  I guess I deserve some credit for being in the ballpark, but I would never have guessed that I would pinpoint it like this.  The one thing is that if you are thinking a lot about the character of people that you are writing about, sometimes you will be predictive because you are thinking about the way they behave and the things that are going to happen to them.  There have been a hand full of times where I have been ahead of the news rather than trailing the news.  That’s also a sign of how surreal the times are right now.

Comedian Andy Borowitz writes the award winning www.borowitzreport.com, and is also syndicated on Websites of numerous newspapers and magazines including The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Seattle Times, The Hartford Courant and Truthdig.com.  Written in the guise of a real news story, the titles say it all.

“In a head-to-head contest, Mr. Obama beats leprechauns and unicorns combined, garnering 64% compared to 21% for leprechauns, 14% for unicorns, and 1% for Congressman Ron Paul,” he wrote on a post titled, Poll: Obama Even More Awesome Than Originally Thought.  It was written, he says, because of numerous readers’ complaints saying he shouldn’t satirize the nation’s 44th president given all the challenges he faces.

Other recent posts include Bush Repeals English Language, Illinois Guv Offers Senate Seat to Arresting Officer and China Buys Naming Rights to the U.S. 

You don’t seem to do much humor about your family including your children.  Is there a reason for that?  Or do you just naturally gravitate towards humor about current events?

I think there are other comedians who are much better at that than I am.

Does your family laugh at your jokes or do they just roll their eyes?

My children both think I’m funny, but they will let me know when a joke of mine bombs.

Are your kids starting to exhibit a sense of humor?

They’ve always been funny.

What are some projects that you are currently working on?

I’m writing a novel, but it could take a few years.  Hopefully after a long spell of working on it I’ll emerge with a book.

Is comedy easy or hard for you?

I find it easy because that’s how I’ve always expressed myself.

Tell us the process from when you see a news item to when it becomes a post on your blog. 

There’s no process per se–I do watch a lot of MSNBC and CNN and the sheer repetition of the stories tends to help.

How do you decide what to use?

I usually focus on the biggest news stories everyone knows about.

You have taught humor classes.  Is it hard to teach?  Do you think some people are just born with the propensity to be funny?  And how do you teach it?

I’ve stopped teaching, because I came to the conclusion it was kind of a sham–you can’t really teach someone to be funny.

Do you anticipate that an Obama administration will be as easy to make fun of as the Bush administration?

Bush was basically a YouTube clip that lasted eight years.  Nothing will be as easy as that.

Some people say that Obama is a hard person to make fun of.  What’s your thought on that?

I haven’t found him that tricky, although as I said, no one is as easy as Bush.  Biden, though–he’s the gift that keeps on giving.

–Interview by Jane Ammeson, Red Editorial Staff.
–The information presented and opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of Handmark, Pocket Express and/or its partners.

Martin O’Neill has, as they say in football, an eye for a player.

But he can’t have envisaged that his new signing, Emile Heskey, would deliver such a perfect display on debut.

The striker, often criticised for a low goal return, grabbed Aston Villa’s winner at Portsmouth on Tuesday night.

Heskey latched on to Gabriel Agbonlahor’s clever flick and drove the ball low past David James. It was Villa’s only shot on target.

The early evidence suggests that the Heskey-Agbonlahor strike partnership will be a profitable one.

This is vital if Villa, now third in the Premier League, are to sustain their title challenge.

Fabio Capello will also have taken note–England are hardly blessed with a glut of options in this department.

“It was an impressive debut by Emile and he won the game for us,” O’Neill purred. “His whole performance was terrific.”

The “whole performance” is why O’Neill was so keen to prise Heskey away from Wigan.

There are no fancy dans or luxury players at Villa, where organisation and a strong work ethic are the basis for achievement.

Heskey, who spent his formative years under O’Neill at Leicester, is the ideal fit for this environment.

The striker, now 31, duly contributed in all areas at Fratton Park.

He held the ball up, brought others into play, harried defenders, tackled back and repelled corners from his near-post station.

His performance showed what a cruel month January has been for Steve Bruce.

Bruce’s Wigan side have been a revelation this season but could struggle after losing Heskey and midfielder Wilson Palacios, now at Tottenham.

Worse still, winger Antonio Valencia is reportedly a transfer-window target for Real Madrid.

Bruce, whose team travel to second-placed Liverpool tonight, must wish January would end.

Fantastic Federer

Former world number one Roger Federer has had his struggles of late.

But his demolition of Juan Martín del Potro in the quarter-finals of the Australian Open suggested he is back to his best.

His straight-sets victory included 12 aces and a series of blistering forehands, clever sliced backhands and cute drop shots.

Class truly is permanent.

–Rob Wightman, Red U.K. Sport Writer.

Sure, the Arizona Cardinals playing in a Super Bowl might feel strange, but how they got there shouldn’t.  Take away those pretty red birds on the side of Arizona’s helmets and you’ll see something the St. Louis Rams used to see all the time around 10 years ago.

Is that Kurt Warner running another video game offense?  Looks an awful lot like it to me.  So if you’re a Steelers fan, you might want to do the unthinkable: pray that Arizona has the lead headed into the fourth quarter.

Look, I know it’s crazy.  No football fan worth his or her salt would say, “Yeah, I want my team to win, but I hope it’s a close game.”  If they do, they’re big fat lying liars who’d rather appear noble in public by, well, lying.

On the inside they’re praying for a flippin’ blowout; like when San Francisco blew Denver’s pants off 55-10 in Super Bowl XXIV.

But I doubt we’re going to see a blowout this Sunday.  In fact, I’m certain we won’t.  I’m not one of those sportswriters who thinks Warner is an elite hall of fame quarterback, but he is very, very dangerous with Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin hanging around.

Larry Fitzgerald alone should be enough to give any Steelers fan pause, and come Sunday he might give them heartburn (it’s either him or the nachos).  I’m not too sure anyone in the Steelers’ secondary can effectively cover Fitzgerald alone, and since Arizona is sure to spread their offense against Pittsburgh, even Troy Palamolu might react a little slower than normal.

Arizona has every single intention of trying to put this one away early.  They’re offense is built for it, Ken Whisenhunt wants it, and I believe it’s actually going to happen.

Like I said, if you’re a Pittsburgh fan that’s what you’re hoping for.  Here’s why:

One thing Arizona definitely wants to avoid is getting into a ground war against the Steelers’ defense, but doing that is inevitable.

If the Steelers are a good football team in general, they’re killer in the fourth quarter.  If (and when) Arizona jumps out to an early lead, they won’t risk showboating the biggest game of the year by airing it out of every down if they’re up by 7 or even 10.

The Cardinals will eventually have to favor a ground game if they’ve got the lead to minimize the risk of Palamolu making a Palamou-esque play.  Sure, the Cardinals are full of surprises, but demolishing the NFL’s best run defense would take more than a miracle.  It would take three.

If this scenario plays out in the fourth quarter, Arizona might find themselves going three and out over and over again, and the only thing more dangerous than Ben Roethlisberger having the ball in the fourth is Ben Roethlisberger having the ball a bunch of times in the fourth.

On the other hand, if Arizona is down by a touchdown or less, the Cards can win all the marbles with one big play, which is exactly what Arizona is designed for.

If the Steelers want to win that game, they’d be smart to lose the majority of it.  Steelers 27, Cardinals 24.  Then again, anything is possible.

Heck, Arizona is in the Super Bowl, right?

–Joey Alfino, Red Editorial Staff.

Hailing from Lawrence, Kansas and being a student at the University, it’s easy to guess where my loyalties lie. Because of this clear and blatant bias I have kept quiet most of the season in regard to my beloved ‘Hawks . . . most of it. But after seeing this week’s ESPN/USA Today rankings I can hold my tongue no longer.

Sorry, but I just can’t.

For seven straight weeks the Jayhawks have been on the outside looking in and for the most part didn’t deserve a top 25 ranking. In fact, I’m still not thoroughly convinced they deserve a spot among the nation’s top teams. Their resume isn’t exactly sparkling with four losses. No, that’s not the source of my acrimony.

It’s who is there instead that boils the crimson and blue coursing through my veins.

Among the top 25 there are six other teams with four-loss records: No. 12 Texas, No. 15 Syracuse, No. 16 UCLA, No. 17 Purdue, No. 21 Villanova and No. 25 Gonzaga. Six more teams fill the poll with three-loss records: No. 7 Louisville, No. 9 Michigan St., No. 14 Arizona St., No. 19 Memphis, No. 20 Illinois and No. 24 Minnesota. And just to round it out, two teams with worse records than K.U.: No. 22 Notre Dame (12-7) and No. 23 Georgetown (12-6).

So the question is, why aren’t they ranked?

You could argue the Jayhawks’ poor road record is the reasoning behind their top 25 absence–three of their four losses came on the road, the other coming way back on Nov. 25 in their 89-81 OT loss to Syracuse in Kansas City’s Sprint Center.

But for this argument to hold water you would have to dismiss the road records of the Irish, the Longhorns, the Sun Devils and the Hoyas, all with at least three road or neutral site losses.

You could say they lack any “quality” wins. Of course, for this to work you would have to ignore wins against the Washington Huskies–undefeated in Pac-10 play–and then No. 18 Tennessee in the Phog.

Any talk about conference records is right out considering Kansas (4-0) ranks higher in the Big 12 than ranked Texas (3-1).

Maybe it’s because of losses to unranked foes like U-Mass and Arizona.

Wrong again. Gonzaga lost to Portland State and Utah, Seton Hall upset Georgetown, Michigan St. dropped games against St. Mary’s and Northwestern and Syracuse fell to Cleveland St.

All of this leaves me with just one theory: headlines.

Names like Brady Morningstar, Tyshawn Taylor, Cole Aldrich, Travis Relaford and Sherron Collins just aren’t as shiny and marketable as ones like Harangody, Hansbrough, Griffin and Collison.

The people behind the scenes are all too aware of this and it shows.

So, and God help me for saying this, maybe, just maybe the BCS has something right with those cold, calculating and soulless computer rankings.

–Aaron Whitebread, Red Editorial Staff.

The calendar says January, but there’s a distinct feel of Halloween in the air at Jill Wax’s vintage clothing and costume store called “La France” in the Ybor City region of Tampa, Florida.  Jill and her staff are busy throughout the month offering tips on applying make-up to create facial scars, on how to apply hooks in place of arms and wooden pegs in place of legs.  For women, they choose bustieres to accentuate other body parts, while men choose three-cornered hats and mismatched gold earrings.

If you think New Orleans during Mardi Gras is the only time otherwise mature, respectable adults dress up in ridiculous costumes, drink in excess and behave ludicrously in order to receive a few beaded necklaces, then Tampa, Florida has apparently not appeared on your party radar any time in the last 100 years.

The celebration is called Gasparilla Pirate Fest, a multi-day event that honors Jose Gaspar, a Spanish naval officer-turned-pirate who pillaged and plundered the Florida coast from the late 1700s to the early 1800s.  He and his crew of buccaneers may or may not have actually invaded the city of Tampa or hidden fortunes in stolen treasures throughout the region, but much of that doesn’t really matter to today’s scallywag wannabes.

Although his story had been told as a part of local history for years, it was in 1904 that the society editor of the Tampa Tribune suggested his name in conjunction with a city-wide celebration.

That was the beginning of a year-round pirate culture in Tampa that includes parks and playgrounds, charitable events, art fairs, and a long list of restaurants, bars and other businesses that incorporate the pirate theme in their day-to-day operation.

When pro football came to town in 1976, a community wide “name-the-team” contest confirmed that “the Buccaneers” would forever be associated with Tampa. Too bad when the professional baseball arrived in 1998, the team in Pittsburgh had already laid claim to the “pirates” moniker.

Traditionally, the Gasparilla Invasion has been held the last Saturday of January. That’s when the Jose Gasparilla ship appears on the horizon of Hillsborough Bay with cannons firing, flags flying, and ferocious, authentic-looking pirates brandishing their weapons from every mast, beam and sail of the ship.

But this year, another scheduled invasion is keeping Gasparilla out to sea until the first full weekend of February. You may have heard of a little event called the Super Bowl, which this year is also coming to Tampa.  Despite the inherent heartiness of Tampa’s 325,000 residents, allowing pirates to invade on January 31 and professional football to do its thing on February 1 was a bit too much fun to imagine.

So this year, the Super Bowl is just a warm-up, a pre-invasion invasion of sorts, for Gasparilla on February 7.

A schedule of events and order forms for tickets can be found at http://www.gasparillapiratefest.com/.

–Text and photo by Diana Lambdin Meyer, Red Editorial Staff.

While the Illinois electorate might take another aspirin and scream “Serenity now!” at the mere sight of his awesome hair, I have to say I’m fascinated with this Blagojevich guy.  I really am.

I hope this character ends up on a soap opera after he gets impeached; I am by no means finished gawking at him.

The impeachment trial of Gov. Blagojevich began this morning without Gov. Blagojevich in attendance.  Instead, Blagojevich decided it was a much better idea to book some face time on television for a press tour–as if the press would have left him alone otherwise.

And this is why Gov. Blagojevich fascinates me.  For a politician who is so ardent about getting the public to like him again and steadfastly clinging to every single canned comment regarding his dedication to public service, Blagojevich has absolutely no grasp on the meaning of the word “perception.”

Blagojevich can proclaim his innocence all he wants, but when he shows such blatant disregard for the severity of the charges against him by skipping his own impeachment hearing in favor of a spot on Good Morning America, well, the man clearly doesn’t give a damn no matter what happens to him.

If anything, if he had any sense of urgency about him, he would at least use his face time to lay out a logical argument in his own defense.  Instead, he went on national television and actually painted himself as a martyr in the same light as–get this– Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Gandhi.

Gandhi!

In an NBC interview last weekend, Mahatma–I mean Blagojevich, sorry.  They’re so alike–said that when he first learned of his arrest on Dec. 9, he “thought about Mandela, Dr. King, Gandhi and tried to put some perspective in all of this, and that’s what I’m doing now.”

Priceless.

It’s like Blagojevich is a literal, physical embodiment of Hunter S. Thompson’s Dr. Gonzo, “There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”

And then, as if that shovel he’s carrying around weren’t effective enough, Blagojevich confessed that one of his original choices for Obama’s vacant seat was Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah?  Really?  First of all, any sort of position in our government is waaaay beneath a woman like Oprah, who, I’m fairly convinced, controls at least one third of the world’s population through some freakish telepathy.

Second, why would she take that kind of a pay cut?  The average salary for a member of the Senate is north of $160,000 per year.  Oprah is worth around $2.7 billion and all she has to do is put up with the tabloids.

Third, part of Oprah’s reason for existence is to give away cars and houses, but Washington doesn’t (publicly) allow that sort of thing.  Clearly Dr. Phil would have been a more realistic choice, but who am I to question Blagojevich’s motives?

Especially when he’s so in tune with people like Nelson Mandela.

But even Blagojevich admits that despite the hilarious nature of this little misunderstanding he’ll probably still get impeached, and he seems fine with that too.  I’ll bet you anything he’s got something else up his sleeve, and his 15 minutes of fame will seem like a lifetime.

Next thing you know, he’ll be in a VH1 reality show with Sarah Palin and Flavor Flav.

–Joey Alfino, Red Editorial Staff.