A Fire in the Hole

It is the weekend of July 4th, a celebration of independence. Parades, barbeques and festivals will glut the calendar for the 3 day weekend. Fireworks will burst across the setting summer sky, issuing forth booms and blooms of colors. On the ground, with the grill fired up and the chance to try something new, a sub–culture of people will be graciously offering up some of their own fire works.

There are those who walk amongst us mere mortals, unobtrusive and non-descript, seeking the exquisitely fine edge where pain and pleasure teeter above a savage fire pit closely resembling hell. Their quest takes them from small boutique–like stores to the glaring national stage, where they put their tongues on the line.  These are chili heads, a deceptively normal looking cadre of men and women who seek out the hottest that food has to offer. They boldly go where no sane person would consider, eat what should be, by all rights, stored safely in a military storage depot and out of the reach of a certain demented little North Korean leader’s grimy mitts. And they do it willingly.

Habanero, jalapeno, scotch bonnet, guajillio, chipotle, serrano, Thai and the famed Indian ghost chili. All small fruits, in species only, that scale the vaunted steps in the halls of heat. The sweet bell pepper, benign and a standard in many Cajun dishes and shish-kabobs. A small step up comes the jalapeno, a small green bullet shaped heat machine registering in at 5000 or so Scoville units, the index used to scale heat in chilis. A variation of the jalapeno, the chipotle, is smoked and stored in a smoky tomato sauce.

In the upper registry of heat come the serranos, small, more streamlined looking peppers than jalapenos kicking in a modest 25,000 Scoville units. And then, standing head and shoulders above the habanero, once the mighty mouth buster, is the ghost chili. This small red fruit of death rolls gently over your tongue like a strafing run of napalm at a sweet death level of 1,000,000 Scoville units. Yep. . That is a million units. The same potency as the mace that floods your eyes as you lean in drunkenly for that unwanted goodnight kiss with your “lady friend”.

So with all these new found numbers and info, what is it that chile–heads truly seek? Typically, it is flavor married with brain torching heat. There are innumerable styles and brands of hot sauce on the market, some with simple names and others catching your fancy with references to torched nether regions and promises of pain that rears its ugly head going in and coming out the next day.

But, the true aficionado, the real lover of all things hot, seeks his own brew of heat. They boil and toil like mad scientists, often alone in their kitchens after having alienated all who loved them by using them as guinea pigs, to taste the evil they have brewed.

The ingredients that are commonly used by chili-heads to temper their concoctions runs the gamut of fillers, from the typical, like tomato products and salsa blends, to carrots and raisins, which add a chocolaty depth to hot sauces. Pears, peaches and kiwis have all ended up in hot sauces, as has chocolate, which makes a tremendous dessert and a deterrent from a second helping when paired with habaneros.

What the heads are usually seeking is a sweet to balance the fire. Carrots, used raw and blended with rice vinegar, sugar, habaneros, water and honey provide a naturally sweet palette for the habaneros. Pears, smoked and blended, are mixed in with sherry vinegar, rosemary, honey and a hit of port to counter something warm like a Serrano. The rationale behind the vinegar that seems to be in most hot sauces is two–fold. First, it is a preservative, keeping bacteria from growing. Second, it is the bringer of flavor and heat, broadening the flavor spectrum by underscoring the flavors the chili’s offer up as well as the filler.

What follows is one recipe that can be used for wings, chicken and to bring hellfire to the next salsa dish that you plan on bringing to the neighborhood pot luck dinner. Give the Smiths something to talk about as they gently weep the next morning glued to the toilet, cursing your name. They won’t forget you anytime soon, Prometheus.

Fire in the Hole Hot Sauce

3 cups raisins, soaked in warm water and drained

2 cups apple sauce

1cup honey

1-3 fresh habanero, depending on how much time you wish to spend in the facilities, seeds out

½ cup rice wine vinegar

1 drop liquid smoke

½ tbsp cinnamon

½ tbsp rosemary

In a blender you won’t be using that day for iced coffee, puree all of the ingredients together. To thin out, add some of the warm water the raisins were soaked in. To mellow out some of the heat, add more honey. Use on wings AFTER they cook as heating up habaneros will only serve to fuel your post prandial agony the next A.M. Add sparingly anywhere else you wish to liven up the party and watch guests twitch in agony on your floor.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorial Staff