Red’s Rundown (11.06.09)

–An airplane part fell from the sky over Long Island today, landing in the front lawn of a house in Roosevelt, N.Y.  No one was injured.  As is the usual practice these days, however, parents in the area are looking for someone to blame, and since this is pretty much how the movie Donnie Darko ended, director Richard Kelly should call his lawyers just in case . . .

–Captain Timothy B. Cheney and First Officer Richard I. Cole, the two Northwest Airlines pilots who overshot their Minneapolis, Minnesota, airport destination by about 150 miles because they weren’t paying attention in the cockpit, have appealed the FAA for revoking their licenses.  If that actually works, I’m going to appeal to my 6th grade math teacher for that “D” he gave me . . . for not paying attention in class.

–If you’ve ever wondered why your baby is crying, there’s now an iPhone app to tell you.  Using state of the art technology, the app claims to be able to tell if your baby is crying because of hunger, fatigue, annoyance, stress or boredom.  Mood rings are also scientifically sound.

–In North Korea, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon is celebrating.  She finally passed her drivers test after 949 unsuccessful attempts.  But don’t get your hopes up, kids.  Stereotypes are still wrong.

–A 23-year-old mom to be in Minnesota, who’s been blogging about her pregnancy for months, is going to bring her readers into the delivery room and broadcast the birth live online.  “It was a way for me to teach,” she said, “A way for me to use myself as a textbook.”  I’m not sure why people wouldn’t use a textbook as a textbook . . . ooooh, that’s right.  You have to read a textbook.  Never mind.  Forget I said anything.

–A 21-year-old man in Oregon called the cops to report his weed had been stolen from his car while he was in a bar getting wasted.  The police apparently didn’t respond quickly enough, so the man got into his car and drove around aimlessly trying look for the thief.  He was arrested, but only because he doesn’t live in Oakland.

–Joey Alfino, Red Editorial Staff