With the Bee Gee’s hit “Stayin’ Alive” pulsing deep in the background on your 8 track player, you slowly stuff yourself into those slick white polyester tuxedo pants that have been laying neatly folded in your drawer since last year. A shimmy here, a dab of Vaseline there, a tug on the pliers and, ohh yeah, you’re in. A little snug, but the ladies like that. Mom must have washed the damned things. That zipper worked a few years ago. Oh well. Man like you grooves on the easy access.

It’s New Years Eve, and a young wolf like yourself is going on the prowl.  Time to impress those doe eyed cuties enraptured by your James Bond-like tux, black tie, razor stubble and jacked up Pinto.  It’s time to hit the clubs.

“Hi. I saw you get out of that old ladies car in front of the club. Want a flute of some great Brut?” the first sleek minx asks as you lean against the bar, your eyes lidded seductively, head rhythmically nodding to the beat. She notices the befuddled look on your face only seconds before you sputter, “I didn’t know it was that kind of club. Thanks anyway,” and watches as you dash away, leaving a perplexed hottie wondering what the hell you were talking about.

Maybe next year, after a little lesson addressing your club night champagne faux pas, you can look her in the eye and jokingly suggest “Not this evening. I am in the mood for a taste of Cava. You?” in your best Barry White baritone.

So without further ado and freshly into the New Year, here is a brief look at champagne.

Champagne comes in these main types:

Brut: driest of the champagnes and a standard offering on the market. Seen as the best.
Extra-dry: slightly less dry than brut.
Sec: a sweeter variety, up to 4% sugar.
Demi-sec: the sweetest of the champagnes with up to 8% sugar.

Champagne is either called vintage or non-vintage. The difference between the two is the usage of only one year’s grape growth in vintage along with at least three years aging, where non-vintage is a blend and the aging time varies. Varieties of champagne include rose’, a blend of white and red; blanc de blanc, strictly Chardonnay or white grapes and blanc de noirs, made from darker skinned grapes such as pinot noir and pinot meunier.

In the world of champagne, only those produced in the French region of Champagne may be called Champagne. In other regions, the names vary. There is sparkling wine, typically from the US; Cava, from Spain; Sekt, from Germany; Asti Spumante, from Italy and Cap Classique, from South Africa.

It is produced using the Methode Champenoise, a technique using second fermentation. Wine is fermented in a steel tank for 2-3 weeks and then sits for up to five weeks after. At this point, the vintner adds yeast and sugar, caps the bottle and allows this second fermentation to go for up to 3 years.

By this time, sediment has usually formed and needs to be disgorged, a process that uses a slow spinning motion to bring the bottle to a vertical position, causing the sediment to fall to down into the neck. The neck is frozen, the sediment pushed out and a small amount of champagne is added to replace the loss. It is corked and sent out to liquor stores and bars around the world so studs like you can “get your bubbly on”.

When you finally find a gal who actually digs your Friends DVD collection and the posters of Farrah still clinging to your wall with cracking, amber bands of old tape, it may be time to take this new found knowledge and put it to use with a little bubbly and some snacks that go with well with it.

In stead of plagiarizing the well choreographed thug gangsta look that MTV twits like Puffy and Jay-Z promote with wild parties featuring barely clothed ladies wrestling in pools of French champagnes like Dom and Cristal, pimp up some sweet domestic sparkling like an Iron Horse Cuvee (California), Chateau Frank Blanc de Noirs, 2000 (NY), Handley Brut Rose’ 2003 (California) and a tray of cheeses like fresh chevre, or goats cheese; mild cheddars, preferably young and mild; brie, served at room temperature and Colby, a mild cheese from Wisconsin.

Wow her at first sip with your Bond-esque “Excellent. 45 degrees, just where it should be”, making sure that crusty meat thermometer you stole from Mom stays out of the picture. Toss out those cheap plastic champagne flutes your pocketed from last year’s New Year’s Eve bash at Grandma’s bingo hall and pick up some real glass flutes, those long stemmed, thin bowled vessels that hold in the nose and effervescency of your champagne. Do it right.

And the next time some hottie comes up with an offer of a flute of Brut, straighten your food-stained bow tie, suck in your spare tire and work your love mojo with “Perhaps a domestic vintage? Indeed!” Go get ‘em, Clooney!

Happy New Year.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorials Staff

The tree stands festively lit in the corner, piles of wrapping paper and freshly emptied boxes lay scattered beneath. The table is cleared of dishes; that fine roast goose you claim to have shot after peppering the skies with buckshot is no more than a few strands of errant feather and bone left over, and the cheery holiday tidal wave known as Christmas Day is ebbing smoothly into the evening.

It took a while and some very nimble verbal acrobatics after Aunt Edie found the grocery store receipt clearly stating the price of your “freshly” killed goose, but that was earlier in the day and now you sit, slouched in your threadbare easy chair, red velvet smoking jacket two sizes too small, confident in the belief your family once again sees you as the great hunter/provider, and not, as Auntie called you earlier, Ebenezer Stooge.

What more can the Master of his Domain need at this moment? A fine, hand wrapped Cuban cigar, tendrils of exotic smoke curling around that mouse pelt you call a moustache? A dram of fine single malt served neat, poured with care from those small airline bottles of scotch you pocketed on that flight to L.A. last year?

Or maybe its time to press the grown up button on your personal remote control and insist on a snifter of port, that fine fortified wine that goes swimmingly well after gorging yourself all day on rich goose, potatoes and string beans.

How about it, Sparky? Shall we join hands with the ghost of alcohols past and wander the misty halls of history to find out more about these “spirits”? Put down your after dinner shot of Jagermeister and let’s go!

Originating in Douro Valley, Portugal, by the English in search of a non-French wine they could drink during one of their many conflicts with the French, port, as it is called, came from the need to keep wines from souring on long sea voyages.  Brandy was introduced to the wines, which allowed a more forgiving and stable wine with the temperature changes and climate deviations the ships encountered on their voyages.

Today, there are strict rules governing port making. Only 48 varieties are allowed into a port. They are aged for a short time in oak, blended with other vintages for consistency if need be in a process known as the solera system, fortified and allowed to age long term in bottles. The “Qunita’s”, or port houses, decide which are to be the vintage years. Only fortified wines from this region are allowed to be called ports, much like champagne from the region of the same name in France.

There are different styles of port and each demands its own method of storage. Standard ports, including Late Bottled Vintage, are meant to be drank quickly–but easy, Dean Martin, we don’t mean swigged in one gulp. They will maintain their flavor for a few weeks after opening and should be stored upright so the cork has no contact with the port.

Finer ports, such as ruby, have a shelf life of about a month after opening and tawny, about 4 months. These are meant to be aged in the bottle for long periods, stored in their sides and drank within 24 hours after opening. Lucky you.

In ascending order, the qualities of port are as follows:
–white, made with white grapes and either sweet or dry
–ruby, blended but not aged
–tawny, aged in oak for longer periods of time, often years. Richer, more nuanced flavors. The “10 year” or “20 year” on the labels is the average age of the vintages used during the blending.

There are also the Late Bottled Vintages, made primarily for restaurants for a longer shelf life. They are also filtered to remove the sediment that is typical with these wines. Vintage is for the connoisseur. Only the best years are given the title. These are often sold young, made of a single years harvest and bottled with the expectation that you will age it for another 10-30 years, with the average peak at about 20.

The classic image of port is served in a small, half full wine glass held delicately by the stem with 2 fingers while donning a luxurious red smoking jacket in a large, old library full of musty leather-bound first edition books while the butler deftly slices a sliver of fine Stilton cheese and a thickly mutton chop mustachioed gentleman pontificates on his country’s role in some dastardly foreign affair. Not these days, guv’nor.

While you can grow those mutton chops and dazzle the ladies with your “worldy” new look, there is no need for the pomp that port has held in the past.

Port now sits where wine has for years, well entrenched in the arena of pairings and match ups with flavors and foods. There are port tastings that specifically pair cheeses such as Stilton, Cabrales and Valdeon from Spain and other blue cheeses that mellow in the presence of rich ports. Cheddars, domestic and foreign, also mate well with ports, the nutty, berry flavors of the port mingling with the sharpness of fine cheddar.

Chocolate is another vehicle for port. The richness of chocolate is slightly cut with the alcohol of the port and enhanced by the smoky tongue the port leaves behind.

So, back to the living room, Ebenezer. The ghost of alcohol past has finished up the presentation and is scrambling to get away from the raving lunatics that you call family. With a parting “Good Luck to you, pal” shouted over its shoulder, it is off to another household, another clueless swiller of Ripple and another lesson in civility.

Merry Christmas to you all.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorial Staff

Ahh. The holidays are upon us. Chain retailers have drenched their isles with Christmas paraphernalia, many since the first leaves changed color in August. Washed up artists are clinging to some shred of hope that the badly rehashed Christmas classics they have re-recorded will escape words like “disaster” and “pathetic” in the reviews. Toys that haven’t seen the light of day all year are now endlessly paraded on your television screen.

Yup. Jolly Old Saint Nick is soon to be clamoring down your chimney.

Given any thought to gifts, Moneybags? Any sense of guilt still linger over that “heirloom” snowman ornament you gifted Mom with last Christmas out of the 200 popsicle sticks left from your last frozen liquor pop party the week prior?

Or the “thoughtful” card entitling Dad to “One month of lawn mowing” by you, even though he passes his days out to pasture in an assisted living community hitched up to a ventilator and a heart monitor?

Probably not. You drank that guilt away right before you plowed through the pile of gifts your parents left under the tree for you using the last few dollars they had scrimped up to save for mom’s new leak-proof colostomy bag.

But don’t despair. Along with a brief history lesson, you will be able to redeem yourself this year with a solid gift to your folks and friends.  One that has been around for centuries, has garnered a bad name in the gift category, like you, and can be used for many things. I am talking, of course, about the fruitcake.

That dense brick of dried fruit, nuts and spices has a legacy almost as rich as its flavor. History shows the fruitcake being given to both Crusaders and Roman soldiers as part of their food rations before long marches and battles.  Utilizing dried fruits, honey, spices and nuts native to the Middle East, fruitcakes in some form or another were a dietary staple throughout the region. The cake’s ability to stay edible for long periods of time made it perfect for traveling caravans of tribes in the area.

With expanding trade between the Middle East and Europe, the fruitcake washed upon the shores of Europe with a flourish. The cakes were made to honor the nut harvest and eaten the next year to promote a good harvest.

In the 18th century, the fruit cake, called plum cake for the heavy handed used of plums, was banned in much of Europe for its “sinful” richness. Apparently your aunt never got the message and persists in sending them from her Bavarian castle to your family. The ban was later relaxed but laws were implemented to regulate the use of fruitcake. Ohhh those crazy cakers!

The fruitcake also inspired a tradition in England where unmarried wedding guests would place a slice of fruitcake under their pillows to promote dreams of the person they would marry. A whole slab of fruitcake couldn’t knock out those dreams of greasy chicken wings and beer in your noggin, Stud. The single life awaits.

As with many foods, the influx of immigrants added different ingredients to the fruitcake. Caribbean immigrants added local spices, German immigrants tossed in varying fruits, the English tally ho’ed a few plums and still today there is no definitive answer of what a fruitcake should be. And in that muddled spirit of confusion, a recipe for a simple fruit cake will follow.

Serve it with tea, milk or a snifter of fine port. Bake it, chill it and marvel at the looks of derision as you gift that tasty brick to all your closest friends. Be wily and place a small computer chip in the center, then giggle like the skirt wearing schoolgirl your pals think you are as you get re-gifted a few Christmases later with the very same cake. But above all, at least try it. Anything that has been around this long deserves a shot.

1.5 cup each chopped dried peaches, pears, pineapple
1 cup golden raisins
1 large Golden Delicious apple, peeled, cored, chopped
1 cup dark rum
3/4 cup orange juice
2-1/2 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1.5 cup walnuts
1 cup toasted almonds
12 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 cup sugar
5 large eggs
2/3 cup heavy (or whipping) cream
1/2 cup honey

In a large bowl, combine dried fruits, apple and 1-1/4 cups of the bourbon. Heat orange juice in saucepan over low heat until warm. Pour over the fruits and let stand at room temperature, tossing frequently, until all liquid has been absorbed. Refrigerate over night.

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 10-cup Bundt pan. Dust pan with flour, shaking off excess.
Sift 1 cup of flour with cloves, nutmeg, salt and baking soda into small bowl. Set aside.

Add the remaining 1-1/2 cups flour and the toasted almonds to the fruits, and toss well. Set aside.

With electric mixer, beat the butter and sugar in separate large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add eggs one a time, beating well. Fold batter into the fruit mixture, mixing well.

Scrape mix into Bundt pan. Flatten the top. Bake about 1 hour 20 minutes or until skewer comes out clean after inserting. Cool in the pan for 20 minutes, allow further cooling on rack.

Mix the honey and remaining 1/2 cup rum in small saucepan, and heat, stirring until the honey is dissolved, about 2 minutes. Brush 1/2 of the hot glaze over the top and sides of the cake. Gently flip cake over, and brush on the remaining glaze. Allow cake to cool thoroughly. Wrap in plastic and allow a few days to settle.

Then ship, slice or fortify foxhole with your own fruitcake.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorial Staff

By now the last few scraps of meat have been chiseled off the carcass, the once rich, juicy brown wings lay desiccated under the carnage remaining in your refrigerator and you have silently thanked the inventor of stretchable waistband trousers almost as many times as you jammed your oversized fork into the pumpkin pie.

Thanksgiving is over.

With no thought to the history lurking behind any of the bounty that lay before your gaping maw, you have once again shown your friends and family that it is physically possible to expand the human stomach beyond its typical confines in the abdomen.

But at any time during your feeding frenzy, did you wonder where or how things like stuffing and cranberry sauce came about? Nah, didn’t think so. But that’s OK. As you recover, slung across your threadbare cheap couch, gravy stains splattered across your t-shirt like a Jackson Pollock painting, you, Jabba the Gut, will get a tad of history to fill up your mind.

Sit back, tuck your gut into those spandex miracles you call pants and listen up.

Amongst the first mentions of stuffing was from a cookbook by a Roman gourmet in the 2nd century BC, where recipes for stuffing made from vegetables, herbs, nuts, wheat and chopped up offal (brains, liver) that were used to fill in the cavities of such delicacies as chicken, pig and dormouse.

The evolution continued through the ages. France added herbs and goose liver to enrich the stuffing, the English changed the name to dressing and added renderings from the roasting pans and eventually the dish made its way to the USA during the British occupation.

It found its prominence as a Thanksgiving side well into the 19th century. It is not known if the first Thanksgiving made use of the side, but it gained popularity as immigrants flocked to the US with their own versions of stuffing.

Duck liver, still an expensive item in the 1800 and 1900’s, was soon replaced by forcemeat, or sausage, which utilized scraps and added different flavors. Herbs native to the US became mainstays and the popularity grew.

In typical American fashion, turducken, a turkey that is stuffed with a duck stuffed with a small hen that just may be stuffed with Hoffa’s remains, is another type of stuffing, though extreme.

However, it wasn’t until 1972 when Stove Top Stuffing, those odd little rock hard nuggets of “stuffing” in a box, were stocked on store shelves that it became a huge part of Thanksgiving Americana. Created by a home economist, Stove Top stuffing, with just a hit of hot water and some love, becomes the moon rock turned perennial Thanksgiving side that everyone has partaken in.

Now, to make your mommy happy by having something healthy along with your gravy and turkey on the side, cranberry sauce, still militantly conforming to the shape of the can despite your best efforts to crush it with your fork, most likely reared its red head during your decadent food fest.

Originally called “craneberry” for its drooping long leaves that vaguely resemble a crane, cranberries were introduced to American cuisine around the time of the pilgrims. The Indians were fond of them as a preservative as chemicals found in the berry kept meat from spoiling. The strong flavor led to their being canned and preserved, which uses some sugar, rendering a sweet yet tart jelly that has become a part of the American Thanksgiving table.

General Ulysses S Grant, during the Civil War, ordered cranberry sauce to be served to his troops, making its availability widespread and also boosting its popularity.

So, there you have it. A few bits of information that will only take up space in your otherwise largely underused head and not in that soon to burst gut. But, if you find you still have a hankering to stuff yourself like that scrawny bird you found at the last minute, below is a recipe for a dried apricot and sausage stuffing. Good luck, Slim. Your waist band needs it.

2.5 LB cornbread, slightly stale
8oz spicy Italian sausage, removed from casing
1 medium white onion, medium diced
3 stalk celery, small diced
1 medium carrot, peeled and small diced
8 oz dried apricots
3 cups chicken stock
6 oz toasted pine nuts
2 tbsp dried thyme
2 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary
3 tbsp butter
Salt and pepper to taste

In a large bowl, place the corn bread after cubing it into 1 inch squares. In a sauté pan, cook the sausage, onion, celery and carrot until all are soft and just starting to brown. Add in the apricots. Add in the chicken stock and bring to a simmer until the apricots are soft. Remove all the solids and continue to simmer the stock, reducing it by ¼. Add the herbs to the stock.

In the bowl add the solids to the cornbread, stirring gently to mix it all evenly. Slowly add the stock to the cornbread mix, stirring continuously. When the mix is damp and starting to bind, season with salt and pepper and mix in the pine nuts and butter. You may not need all of the stock, just enough to bind the mixture.

Place the mix into the bird and into a 350 degree oven. Cook the bird until done. Alternately, you can bake the stuffing separately in a baking pan at 350 degrees as well. Just add more liquid and keep covered until 15 minutes prior to removing. Remove cover and allow to brown.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorial Staff

There are many smells that one can associate with specific memories or events: the sharp smell of pine needles invokes memories of rich green pine forests; burning wood brings forth thoughts and memories of fall and winter; the sour smell of last night’s Chinese food that you heaved onto the floor of the bathroom after that fifth of Jagermeister trying to impress the new lovely across the hall.

And then there is cinnamon, a smell that calls forth memories of holiday dinners; fireplaces and snowy nights; atomic fireballs lodged deep in your throat; and almost inevitably, Mom’s apple pie.

The feisty dried bark of the laurel tree that has long been a star in cooking and scented candles had its start in somewhat more of a morbid usage.  Egyptians used it in embalming their dead, appreciating the heady aroma it gave off while masking the rank odors of the freshly deceased. Romans burned it to keep the same foul stench away at funerals. Kinda corrupts Mom’s fresh baked apple pie a bit.

But it was found to have other uses as well.  Moses apparently used it in his anointing oils and early Greek doctors found it held curative powers for digestive issues as well as colds and flu. Its value in medicinal usage soon sparked battles over land possession in Ceylon, where it originated, and trade wars between Dutch, Portuguese and English merchants erupted.

Explorers with the blessings of their respective monarchies took off in search of fertile grounds and countries where cinnamon could be found and exported back to their home countries.

With all of the trade issues, farmers soon found ways to grow cinnamon on their own continents, lowering the value but stabilizing the market for it. The tree soon became prevalent in countries far from Ceylon, from Vietnam to much of Europe.

The actual production of cinnamon is not a simple task, hence the price even today. The first growth of the C. Cassia tree, or laurel, is chopped down after only two years of growth. Then, the small sprouts of tree that rise from the cutting are stripped of their outer bark, which is dried and produced into cinnamon.

From there, it is mixed into many spice seasonings from numerous cuisines, most famously being an integral part of Chinese 5 spice. It is also used prominently in Caribbean cooking in jerk and barbeque marinades, as well as a vast array of desserts and pies.
Cinnamon can be found in two typical forms: slivers of bark, also known as quills, and ground. Quills can be stored for years with no loss of flavor. However, ground loses its potency much faster.

Aside from its culinary usage, its benefits include both anti-clotting and anti-microbial properties, colon and heart health and increased brain power.  Science has also found its use diminishes effects of diabetes, promotes a higher level of a “well being” feeling, much like anti-depressants or vicodan. Maybe that bottle of Cinnamon Schnapps you boosted from Dad’s liquor cabinet may do you some good after all.

While the sarcastic “me” thought, albeit briefly, about giving a recipe using cinnamon the way Egyptians used for making the “after-life” smell all purdy-like, I went with something more benign and apropos for this holiday season: cinnamon ice cream. Everybody has an apple pie recipe and what could go better than cinnamon ice cream with it?

Cinnamon Ice Cream
2 cups regular half-and-half
2 cups heavy cream
1 vanilla bean, cut lengthwise
1 cinnamon stick, whole
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, preferable fairly fresh
10 whole egg yolks
3/4 cups white sugar

Directions
In a heavy bottomed saucepan on medium heat, heat the half-and-half, cream, vanilla, cinnamon stick and ground cinnamon, whisking the mix occasionally to make sure the mixture doesn’t stick to the pan’s bottom. When the cream mixture reaches a fast simmer (at no point should it boil) remove from heat and let set for 20 minutes, allowing the flavors to infuse.

Whisk the egg yolks and the sugar together.  SLOWLY pour half the cream mix into it while whisking the egg yolk mixture. Then pour the egg-cream mixture back into the saucepan containing the rest of the cream mixture. Heat up slowly over medium heat, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon. It should get to approximately 180 degrees. At no point should it be allowed to simmer or boil.  If you don’t have a thermometer, by dipping a wooden spoon into the mixture you can see that it coats the back of it evenly and will allow you to swipe your finger down it and leave a clear line, not runny. When it is ready, quickly remove it from the heat and set it aside.

Meanwhile, in a deep metal bowl, put handfuls of ice cubes into the bottom and add cold water to cover the ice. Rest a smaller metal bowl in the ice water and pour the cream mixture through a fine strainer to remove the vanilla bean pieces and cinnamon sticks. If so desired, scrape the seed from the vanilla bean and return to the mix. Place mix into the smaller bowl. Chill 3 to 4 hours, and then proceed according to the directions of your ice cream maker.

–Tim Connors, Red Editorial Staff

On the surface, it might not make a whole lot of sense for a film critic to interview a United States Senator, but I say it makes perfect sense.  Hollywood and Washington have an awful lot in common with each other, after all.

Hollywood just loves finding new and exciting ways to blow up the Washington Monument, for example, and both towns are very, very good at spending lots of money.  Plus, there’s Reagan.

But the real reason I ended up in D.C. talking to Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) is because we’re living through some pretty strange political days, and since I’m not the only American who would rather sit in a dark theatre than stare into Wolf Blitzer’s eyes, I took this chance to ask Sen. McCaskill to help the rest of us average Joes understand what’s going on with health care, why Congress has such an image problem, and how Clooney, Pitt and Matt Damon can erase our budget deficit.

I’d like to begin by saying thank you for taking the time to talk, and even though you’re an MU fan and I’m a Jayhawk, I hope we can have a successfully bipartisan interview.

We can try to get by that.  I will try not to focus on it during the interview so I can remain civil and polite.

Excellent, thanks!  So, who do you think is better at spending money, Washington or Hollywood?

I think both are pretty good at it. One of the things that’s been neat in the last five or six years–it seems to me, anyway–is that independent films have gotten a lot more traction.  There are a lot more outlets for these kinds of films, and they’re my favorites.  My husband and I have a tendency to go to just one or two movie houses in St. Louis because it’s where all of the “non-blockbuster” films are, and those movies show that you can make a great movie and make money on it without having the mega budgets.

Not so much in Washington have we figured out how to deal with policy without the mega budgets.  But the auditor in me is working on that part, trying to do a lot of work focusing in on the way Federal Government spends money, trying to figure out how we can do a better job at contracting, the ABC’s of the business world government has trouble with.

Yes, well, I think it’s fair to say that Hollywood is much better about firing people.

Yes.  Although, I’ll tell ya, the American people are pretty good at holding folks accountable.  One of the things that worries me, is that we have a tendency in Washington, many people in Washington, they forget, quickly, what has happened.

And what really happened in the last two election cycles is independent voters in this country rejected the Republican majorities and the Republican in the White House, and embraced the Democrats because I think they wanted things to be done differently.  And sometimes I think that people who’ve been in Washington a long time forget that lesson and quit playing close attention to what people want.  They quit listening and don’t hear frustrations, and that’s how you get fired . . . again.

Complacency can be a dangerous thing, eh?

Absolutely, and it’s easy to get complacent in Washington because, unfortunately, everyone in Washington treats you like you’re a pretty big deal.

Speaking of money . . . the House squeaked out a health care plan by two votes with a $1.1 trillion price tag, and you’ve said the Senate version will look at cost cutting.  What’s in the House version that you think stands a good chance of being cut?

I think the thing that many senators are focused on, especially some of us that aren’t afraid to call ourselves moderates, is the cost cutting. This really is our opportunity and this is controversial stuff.  The nature of the beast dictates that we’re going to make people upset.  It’s why this can has been kicked down the road so many times.  When you do something this big and this complicated, it’s impossible to do it without alienating large parts of the electorate.  At least in the consideration phase it is.

I think in the long run, if you look back at the Medicare debate, for example, it was wildly unpopular, lots of accusations of Socialism, and now Medicare is one of the most popular government programs in existence.  But if we go through this right now, if we walk over hot coals and try to get a bill, and don’t take a 2×4 to health care costs in this country, we really should look ourselves in the mirror and say, “why are we doing this?”

Because, yes, we want to make health insurance affordable and accessible to all Americans, but what’s really important for all Americans is that we get a handle on this deficit.  And health care costs are the 800-pound gorilla.  That’s why I think the House bill doesn’t go far enough in looking at ways that we can cut health care costs long term.

It’s also being said that the House bill is D.O.A in the Senate.  Is that accurate or hyperbole?

Well, I think everyone needs to start understanding the premise, and that is: there is somewhere between 50 and 75 percent of all the bills that have been written that pretty much everybody agrees on.  So there will be parts of the House bill that will certainly be included in the final legislation–no preexisting conditions, limiting some of the really “bad guy” stuff that insurance companies do–helping our medical professionals retire debt after school so we can get more primary care doctors and more nurses, more emphasis on prevention, helping people get preventative appointments because they’re so cost effective for all of us.

If we can get people in for more free prevention appointments, it saves everybody money, and I mean literally everybody.  So those kinds of things are likely to be included in whatever bill we pass.  Where there’s going to be disagreement is whether or not we have some option on the insurance exchange, and people have gotten this way out of perspective.

The insurance exchange is going to be a relatively small part of the insurance market.  You still are going to have the vast majority of Americans in this country getting their insurance at work, and it’s only those people who don’t get insurance at work that will have the opportunity to pool their risk with others who have the same situation in this insurance exchange.  And what’s in this exchange is where there may be some differences as to whether or not it’s a public option or whether it’s a not for profit co-op, along with a number of private insurance options that people will be able to shop among.

Anyone who watches the news and sees stories, for example, of the Joe Wilson outburst or footage of Rep. Tom Price yelling “I object” over and over again on the House floor might be a little put off by that sort of behavior and it may seem childish to some.  How much of an image problem (partisanship aside) do you think Congress has right now?

I think there’s a lot of cynicism about Washington, and a healthy distrust of the central government is part of the American experience, frankly, and part of our democracy.  It goes back to the very beginnings of our country, and the way our constitution was drawn up to try and limit the power of the central government.  So, it is very natural to our democracy.

I do think that the Republicans are suffering a little on a couple of fronts.  I think the Republican Party is having a bit of a civil war right now.  The moderates in the Republican Party are feeling very lonely, very marginalized.  The “right wing base,” the very conservative base, is flexing their muscle right now, and they are also very focused on being obstructionists.

They really believe–and this is true in Washington regardless of the parties–there is an old adage in Washington that the success of one party is the failure of the other party.  And I think the Democrats engaged in this sometimes when they were in the minority, that you just want to block.  You don’t want to do public policy, you just want to block.

Regardless of whether or not an argument makes sense . . .

Right, regardless of whether or not the argument makes sense, and I think there’s some of that going on.  I think the image problem is significant, and the thing that’s most worrisome to me right now is that there was such a sense of hope and emotion, and really a rising up of a lot of people in this country to participate in the election last November.

And to some extent, perhaps some people’s expectations were unrealistic, perhaps overly idealistic, but I worry that the passion that brought Barack Obama to the presidency has cooled, and that the opponents to Barack Obama, the very, very gut level, visceral opposition to Barack Obama has galvanized, and it has become very energetic and very loud.  And I just hope that the grass roots energy that elected Barack Obama, I hope they reawaken and realize that governing is different than a campaign, that there is nothing evil about compromise and pragmatism, that it’s how you make change.

You just can’t elect a new president and overnight, change happens.  It’s a very tough road and you have to be pragmatic.  But people should not go to sleep, or go home or give up.  Because when you do, the opposition fills that space.  And they’ve been pretty good at filling that space for the last few months, dominating the national debate with a huge dose of negativity.

How many pages is the health reform bill at the moment?

Depends on which bill you’re talking about.  I think the House bill is just short of 2,000 pages.

Can I add one?  Would anybody notice?

Oh yeah.  People would definitely notice.  One of the things about some of the folks that have been screaming is the ridiculous notion that we’re gonna pass something as big and complicated as this and nobody’s going to know what’s in it.  I’ll be very honest with you, I know this is an important problem and I’m glad we’re working on it, but I’m sick of health care.

I’ll bet.

I have learned more and have studied more and have spent more time on this subject probably more than any other subject since I’ve been in public office

I understand you’re in the process of reading it now, but since I just asked you about Congress’ perception problem, I think this plays into it: how is it even possible that a lawmaker can feel so strongly and be so opinionated about a bill that many of them haven’t even read? 

I think there will be some Republicans who are just opposed that won’t read it, but I’ll be surprised if the Senators, once we get a bill that comes to the floor, I’d be surprised if most Senators didn’t read it in its entirety.

And I know it’s frustrating it’s so long, but that pages are–first of all, they’re not like the pages of a book.  You can take five or six pages of a bill and make one page of a book.  There are not a lot of words to a page.  And a lot of the language is what you can call “enrolling” language, and that is, where does this fit in the statutes and how does it relate in terms of the sections?

That’s kind of mundane and it’s hard to follow when you’re reading it, but if you don’t get that right you end up omitting a section you didn’t mean to omit or you end up not omitting something that needs to be omitted because it’s been changed, so while it’s technical and hard to read, the vast majority of the Senate and the vast majority of the staff that are working on this bill know these bills intimately.  Every comma, every paragraph, every word.

I don’t want to spend a whole lot of time on the Stupak Amendment; real, honest-to-god journalists have that one covered.  But I would like to ask you to clarify for the rest of us how it’s worded and what it means.

Sure.  We have in the law right now the Hyde Amendment, and the Hyde Amendment is black letter Federal law, it has been for a number of years, and it prohibits the use of Federal tax dollars for any kind of abortion services whatsoever, except for cases of rape and incest.

So, what the Stupak Amendment does–and you have to understand what the insurance exchange is to understand what the Stupak Amendment is–the Stupak Amendment only addresses the insurance exchange.  So as I said before, this is not going to be the majority of America in terms of their health insurance coverage.  But on the exchange, some people will get subsidies, and what the Stupak Amendment says, is that if you’re getting a subsidy of any kind to help you buy insurance on the exchange, then you cannot buy any policy that has any kind of abortion coverage in it.

Now, there was an attempt to find a compromise and place a firewall within these policies:  Let’s say you’re a family of four that makes $80,000 a year and you’re getting some kind of subsidy to help you buy insurance, but you’re also spending some of your private money.  The attempt was made as part of the compromise, prior to the Stupak Amendment, that you could not use any of your Federal dollars for abortion services.  But if you wanted to use your private money to get abortion services, you could.

The Stupak Amendment outlaws that.  It says if you get any kind of subsidy, you cannot buy a policy that has those services.

Even if you buy it with your own private money.

Even if you’re using your private money for that part of the policy.  So it’s an attempt to further limit that availability.  Now, the interesting thing, in my state, the amendment is irrelevant. Because in my state abortion coverage in insurance policies is illegal, so frankly the Stupak Amendment has no impact on Missourians one way or the other.  But obviously it’s a very controversial amendment.

Obama said in a recent interview that, “This is a health care bill, not an abortion bill.” Still, how easily do you think the arguments around the Stupak Amendment are going to drown out the thesis of health care reform?

Well, I got in some trouble because I was trying to dial down the Stupak Amendment controversy in a national appearance, and I think some of my pro-choice supporters got upset with me because they thought I wasn’t making a big enough deal of it and I wasn’t speaking out as strongly as I should have against it.  But part of my fear here is that the health care debate gets hijacked by the long standing and (probably) never changing emotional controversy surrounding this subject of abortion.

I hope that everyone stays focused on making sure that we don’t let this subject matter bog us down and keep us from this really important work of reforming health care in this country.

Joe Lieberman is vehemently opposed to a public option, so let’s play the “what if?” game for a moment.  What if sweeping health care reform is passed without a public option in it?  Would that be considered an empty victory for Democrats?

What’s really unfortunate about this is that the public option was the precursor for the abortion controversy in that people were very focused on the public option debate without realizing that it is a small piece of it.

The reason it became such a touchstone for controversy is, it was the rationale that the opponents of health care were using, that this was the camel’s nose in the tent for massive government takeover of insurance.  It was the olive branch to many progressives who wanted single payer.  So one side of the debate was, unfortunately, guilty of saying we’re not going to do single payer to all of you that want single payer, but we’re going to do this public option.  And frankly, that’s overselling the public option in terms of what it’s going to do.

And then on the other hand, the people who don’t want any health care reform are saying the public option is big bad government taking over insurance.  So it’s a great example of the two far ends on this debate hijacking one part of the bill and blowing it up into a controversy that’s much larger than what it probably should have been.

I think the White House believes, the experts there, that a “trigger,” in many ways, is as progressive as a public option.  Because what the trigger says to these insurance companies is, “You’ve got a sword hanging over your neck.”  If you don’t get your act together trying to bring down prices for the American people, there will be a public option.  But to the public option people, that’s a sellout.  That’s nothing.  It won’t work, you know, a robust public option or nothing.

When we began down this road and decided it wouldn’t be a single payer system, the public option debate became a stand in for the single payer debate.  I think we’ve put a costume on public option and made it into something it’s not for purposes of controversy.  I’m hopeful that everyone will keep perspective here and not draw lines in the sand because we need to get 60 votes in the Senate to get this done.

Do you think we’ll see anything from the Senate before 2010?

I think we’ll probably start debate in earnest the week after Thanksgiving, so the question is how long will this take.  What people don’t fully comprehend are the Senate rules, and the Senate rules lend themselves towards delay.  There are all these hours that have to go by on all these motions, cloture motions, post-cloture. So if you have to have a cloture motion on everything–and just think of a cloture motion, for laypeople, as “the thing that stops filibusters.”  So the thing that stops filibusters–I wish we’d call it that instead of cloture–

Yeah, calling it a “filibuster buster” is much cooler.

Right, right.  So the thing that stops filibusters takes 30 hours, so if everyone is trying to stop everything, you can imagine the time that has to transpire in order to move forward, especially with all the amendments being debated and all the controversy surrounding those amendments.

I’d say there’s a chance we don’t finish it before Christmas, but we certainly will begin work on it before Christmas.  I would be shocked if we didn’t get it finished up and to the President’s desk by the middle of January, and I think we’ll have a bill before everyone is sending each other Valentine’s cards.

Plenty of Americans, whether they’re for health care reform or against it, know that it’s probably one of the most expensive things they’ve ever seen.  Luckily for you, Claire, I have a plan to deflect the cost of health care reform, and you can take all the credit for this idea if it works. Ready? 

Sure.

Get Michael Bay to be your Film Czar and open up a government run movie studio, and you guys start making movies.  They don’t even have to be any good, they just have to make money.  Michael Bay doesn’t make good movies.  He makes money. 

So what you’re saying is that we need Michael Bay to make movies for the Federal Treasury so we can get out of the deficit.

Right.  Take the last Harry Potter movie.  That netted $679 million.  So, you make about eight of those, and that’s around $5 billion.

Now, that’s pretty good.  I thought you were going to say that we just need to open up the ridiculously expensive popcorn and Coke concession.

No, well . . . that’s good too.  And I know $5 billion isn’t a lot of money in this town.

Oh, $5 billion is a lot of money in this town.

Really?

Oh, sure.  $5 billion is, well a little bit less, but $5 billion is around 25 percent of the entire budget of the state government of Missouri.

Hollywood is full of liberal actors anyways so I bet you could get Clooney and Matt Damon to work for cheap, and Brad Pitt used to live in Missouri so I bet he’d do whatever you wanted.

You know, I think that’s probably true.  When George Clooney was in St. Louis making a movie [Clooney shot Up in the Air at a St. Louis airport] he was kind enough to come over and have dinner at my house.  So we had a chance to talk around the table and we could probably talk him into helping out with this.  I think you’ve got a plan.

Actually, there was a joke floating around over the summer that Brad Pitt was running for Mayor of New Orleans. 

Is that right?

Yeah, because of all the humanitarian efforts he’s doing down there.  I’m guessing you would have endorsed him . . .

Well, we have to take care of our Missourians.

Well, if I ever get to interview him one day, I’ll tell him you said hi.  Hey, you don’t have his number, do you?

(Laughs) I do not have his number, sorry . . .

Damn.  Worth a shot.  All right, Claire.  Thanks so much for taking the time.

Thank you.

–Interview by Joey Alfino, Red Editorial Staff

Susan Axelrod is a fighter.  When her daughter Lauren, now 28, was diagnosed with epilepsy, she didn’t just try to control the seizures, she decided to work to eradicate the disease which affects over 3 million Americans of all ages–more than multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, and Parkinson’s disease combined. Approximately 500 new cases of epilepsy are diagnosed every day in the United States with epilepsy impacting 50 million people worldwide.

And so the Chicago based Axelrod, whose husband is David Axelrod, Senior Advisor to President Obama, worked with two other mothers to form CURE, Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy, a volunteer-based nonprofit organization dedicated to finding a cure for epilepsy by raising funds for research and by increasing awareness of the prevalence and devastation wrought by this disease.  Axelrod took time to talk to Red about epilepsy and CURE.

Can you tell us the process of what you went through from the time your daughter Lauren was diagnosed with a seizure disorder to the founding of CURE?

Lauren was seven months old when out of the blue she started having seizures.  We took her to the emergency room and she was hospitalized for a whole month because nothing stopped the seizures. By the time we went home, she was still having six a day.  That was our introduction to epilepsy.  And it’s interesting that looking back at it, the word epilepsy was never used.  It wasn’t until three years later when I was looking at an EEG we’d had done that I saw the word epilepsy–she was diagnosed with Idiopathic Seizure Disorder.  Keep in mind this was before the Internet.  We were constantly asking what’s causing this and they would say you don’t want to know because the things that we know can cause seizures are awful.  But I am a believer that information is power and that parents and family need to know.

After you learned her diagnosis, what happened then?

We went through literally the next 18 years with periodic breakthroughs.  We’d go on a drug and be seizure free for up to three months and then they would start again.  We tried 20 different types of drugs.  The Ketogenic Diet which didn’t work–though statistically in some cases it can be very therapeutic.  Vagal nerve stimulation, that didn’t work.  We went through several physical evaluations.  That point was the lowest point in my life, because I thought we had exhausted everything and that we could lose her.   Lauren was having clusters of seizures which were life threatening.

When she was 19, she was in the hospital because she kept seizing.  There was a new drug that had just been approved by the FDA but there was a lag time in getting it to market.  I called the pharmaceutical company and asked if we could get access right away and the woman was great and sent us samples.  We gave Lauren one pill, which wasn’t even a therapeutic dose and the seizures subsided.  It has now been over nine years since she has had a seizure.  That drug, Keppra, for reasons unknown to us was her magic bullet.

For people reading this, do you have a simple way of defining epilepsy?

Epilepsy is defined as two or more seizures and a seizure is an abnormal electrical discharge in the brain, often of unknown origin.

Since it was founded in 1998, CURE has raised $9 million to fund epilepsy research and other initiatives that will lead the way to a cure. CURE also funds seed grants to young and established investigators to explore new areas and collect the data necessary to apply for further funding by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), according to their Website. To date, CURE has awarded more than 85 cutting-edge projects. 

I think this may surprise some people, but you say that many seizures can’t be controlled with medication.

Yes, the problem is that we have all these new medications on the market but we still haven’t made a dent in the number of people whose seizures can be controlled.  Over 40% of people with epilepsy do not  respond to drugs.

Does having seizures cause lasting effects?

When Lauren was having seizures, we would watch her turn blue around the mouth and we would ask the doctors if they were causing brain damage. Now, 28 years later, we know they did.

So tell us about why you created CURE?

CURE was the power of mothers–we asked ourselves why we couldn’t do something as simple as stopping a seizure.  We looked at the federal dollars being spent and found epilepsy was not a priority. The incidence of epilepsy is the same as breast cancer and the number of deaths is pretty much the same too, which is a staggering figure.  As parents, we were watching our kids’ cognitive skills deteriorate.  And we asked, what needed to be done?

And what are CURE’s goals?

One of our goals is to get the word out that a seizure is not a benign episodic event.  The exposure we’ve received recently has given many other people who hadn’t ever talked about it comfort in doing so.  It’s been remarkable. Our other goal is to advance the scientific understanding of this disease and promote research in every way we can to find cures.

How can people help?

You can join us by helping raise public and private dollars for epilepsy research. Contact your members of Congress or the local media to let them know how critical increased federal funding for epilepsy research is to you. Or, help us raise private funds and awareness by hosting an event in your area to benefit CURE. Over 95 cents of every dollar donated to CURE goes directly to our research and awareness programs. To learn more visit our website, www.CUREepilepsy.org or call 800.765.7118.

–Interview by Jane Ammeson, Red Editorial Staff

Do you remember those old electric shaver commercials?  The ones where the spokesperson said that he liked these particular shavers so much that he bought the company?

That’s what I did with General Motors yesterday.  I’ve been a longtime GM driver and now, as a U.S. taxpayer, I am also an owner.  So are you. OK, so we didn’t really have much of a choice, but in the end I hope the old saw “what is good for General Motors is good for America” proves true.  Coincidentally, that famous quote wasn’t ever used in that context by anyone from General Motors.  It’s true. Look it up.  I’ll wait. . .

I know that there are a lot of folks out there who are very angry about this business development.  They never wanted to own a car company and they most certainly did not want the federal government to own a car company.

There are those who feel GM is a losing proposition all around, but I think that there are glimmers of hope.  The new Chevrolet Camaro is selling like hotcakes and V6 versions put down 300 horsepower while still delivering 29 mpg on the highway.  The new Chevrolet Equinox crossover utility vehicle has a best in class 32 mpg from a four-cylinder internal combustion engine using direct injection — a technology in which GM has been a leader.

Buick, a GM division that has frequently topped quality surveys, has an all-new LaCrosse coming.  It’s a thoroughly modern vehicle that, with any luck, will continue to draw younger (under 70 would probably qualify as younger. . .) buyers to the Buick brand the way their Enclave CUV has.  Cadillac is launching a new smaller and less expensive SRX with advanced direct injection and turbocharged powertrains.

The Chevrolet Volt series plug-in hybrid (a setup where only the electric motor drives the vehicle and the gasoline engine is a range extender) could be a technology game changer — though it probably won’t make much money.

But I don’t think that the real benefit is going to come from what GM will be selling as much as what they won’t be selling. There won’t be nearly as many unprofitable fleet sales.  There won’t be four GM midsize sedans all competing against each other in the same segment.  There won’t be so many layers of legacy costs frosted onto every car that they subsequently have to be scraped off with the putty knife of rebates and incentives, thus removing any profit before moving the metal.

With any luck, by this time next year the smaller “new” GM could IPO to raise the money to pay back the treasury (read: us) and the United Auto Workers (who’ve tied the future of their pensions to the company’s fortunes).  Will previous public shareholders who lost money in the bankruptcy come back?  That’s hard to say, but if the company is looking good on paper I think some of them might.   And if the new GM succeeds, which I hope it does for everyone’s sake, we’ll all be able to look back and say, “You know, I used to own that company. . .”

– Eric Haar, Red Editorial Staff

There are fireworks that you wouldn’t believe in my bedroom.  It’s flashy, it’s noisy and nobody sleeps.

Sadly, I’m not being suggestive.  For the last three nights all I’ve been able to hear in my bedroom is fireworks.  Literally.

“Sizzle, sizzle, flash,” “snap, crackle, pop,” and “boom, boom, boom” are typically the sounds of steaks on the grill, breakfast cereal, and kids hitting pots and pans together at my house, but not this time of year.  Come early July, it is the sound of a miniature revolution being fought by night.

In the community I live in, fireworks are legal from July 1-5, but there are restricted hours – Midnight on the actual holiday (11 p.m. for the other nights) being the latest you can “legally” partake in the fiery festivities.  While Midnight sounds like a reasonable cutoff to me, that hour seems to be the time when things really get started, not when they’re winding down.  It’s never really as much fun to abide by the rules.

I’m not actually sure when the rambunctious teenager I used to be, the guy with the bottle rockets and the Black Cats, became the “hey, you kids quiet down out there” guy, but I’m relatively certain it occurred after I had children of my own.  Anyone who has walked the floor for hours with a fussy baby or has a preschooler and knows that up at 4 a.m. often means they are awake for good can probably identify.

With each loud bang, I wince.  Not at the sounds of the fireworks, but for fear of worse consequences.  “Boom!”  Will that wake up the baby?  “Kra-krak-krak-krak!”  Are those preschooler footsteps I hear?  “Foosh, foosh, foosh!”  “Woof!”  Woof?  Oh please, please don’t let the dog start barking.

Being kept awake not so much by the fireworks themselves but by the possibility that the fireworks will awaken something else that will then keep me awake may seem counterproductive, but I can’t really help it.  Worrying is one of the things I do best.

Of course in another dozen years I’ll probably be out there with my own adolescent kids, perhaps trying to recapture a little of my own misspent youth, and it will be our big booms, bright flashes and sizzle, sparkle, pops frazzling the neighbors as they worry we’re going to wake their sleeping broods.  Then I’ll wonder why they can’t lighten up.

And as I’m out in the driveway with my giggling son and daughter making an unbelievable racket and driving the neighbors crazy, in the back of my mind I’ll be worrying if my wife, not much of a fireworks enthusiast herself, will let me back in the house.  You will, won’t you honey?

– Eric Haar, Red Editorial Staff

Ten years later, we still chuckle about her: the gray-haired granny dressed in the “Flashdance” outfit (think Spandex and a ripped shirt hanging off her shoulder), animatedly dancing on top of the bleachers to the pulsing beat of the rock band on stage.

Yet while she was an amusing sight, she was hardly the only one grooving to the tunes. This was Summerfest, after all, where everyone gets down and dirty. You simply can’t help yourself.

Billed as the world’s largest music festival, Summerfest is an 11-day musical orgy that’s been rocking downtown Milwaukee every summer for the past 41 years. Everyone who’s anyone in the world of music has played on one of the 11 permanent stages studding Summerfest’s 76-acre grounds on the shores of Lake Michigan: Pete Seeger. Tina Turner. Johnny Cash. Sheryl Crow. Ray Charles. Britney Spears. Prince. Aretha Franklin. Blink-182. Whitney Houston.

At this year’s festival, coming June 25-July 5, daily headliners include Keith Urban, Kiss, Stevie Wonder, George Strait, Kenny Chesney and a Bob Dylan/Willie Nelson combo. But those are just the headliners. Every stage features numerous musical acts throughout the day, so you can catch a little rock-and-roll here, some blues or country there.

While Summerfest is definitely about kicking back to some great tunes, there’s a lot more to it than that. Various acts perform throughout the day, such as the BMX Stunt Team. Special kids’ activities are available. Numerous vendors hawk unique gifts and handcrafted items. For $6, you can have three tries at hitting a hole in one and possibly winning a 2010 Subaru Legacy.

Then there’s the food. Regulars make a beeline to places like Saz’s, a famous local joint that sells mouth-watering ribs, or to stands selling such oddball delights as giant fried turkey legs. And, of course, Summerfest being in Milwaukee, there are plenty of top-notch suds to sample.

Best of all, a trip to Summerfest won’t break the bank. Evening and weekend admission is just $15 ($8 weekdays and before 4 p.m.), which lets you take in all of the entertainment save that of the headliners, which requires a separate reserved ticket. But even those aren’t too pricey; prices range from $8 (lawn seats for Earth, Wind and Fire and Chicago) to $85 (front row with Bon Jovi) and include admission to Summerfest, It doesn’t get much better than that.

–Melanie Radzicki McManus, Red Editorial Staff